


Intangible Sentiment

by mirqueen



Series: Damages [3]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Gen, Spiritual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirqueen/pseuds/mirqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward and Carlisle faced great difficulties in the wake of ‘New Moon.’ Their newly-secured weekend hunt will be just the ticket to speaking of it all. A difficult discussion is in the making. ~Companion piece to Damages II: Rosalie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confusion

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

This is the companion piece for _Damages II: Rosalie_. It will include material straight fromDamages II, but it’s all in Edward’s and/or Carlisle’s POV, therefore it expounds upon events that Bella may not have experienced.

My pattern for this story is 2 chapters of Edward’s POV, then 1 chapter of Carlisle’s POV. There will be overlap between Cpov and Epov chapters.

> **Chapter 1: Confusion**

ven after all that had occurred between the Godforsaken day I left Forks and the glorious day when I saw my beloved Bella again, nothing could compare to the shock of the incidents that this past week had loosed on us all. Stunned though I had been by many of the things I heard and saw about Bella’s life during my absence, I would never underestimate what had been happening to her in just the few days after our family hunting trip. What most humans would never face in an extended lifetime, Bella faced in mere days – months at most. However, these events did not only affect my love; our entire family was strongly influenced and changed by each and every one of them. For some that change was good, but for others it might equally be terrible. Not to sound too melodramatic… I was convinced that I was one of the latter.

What irked me most fearsomely was the optimism of my other family members. Carlisle, in particular, had earned my wrath for his undue (or so I considered it) hopefulness. A high temper had often been the bane of the numerous relationships in my life; I was forced to admit that much. My creator, surprisingly to some, had faced a large majority of it. In the beginning, he had been a particularly constant target. Well, the only target really, since I had known no one else upon which to vent my frustration, confusion, and emotional losses in those days. Although I had since learned that exploding on Carlisle produced little, but for painful understanding and unbelievable patience on his part, it did not change the situations which often happened in the first couple of decades we shared. While a great number of those were based in true animosity at times, too many of the incidents were caused by plain confusion.

Quite frankly, if I had a penny for every time I’d gotten confused in the recesses of Carlisle’s mind, I’d be wealthier than he is (and that is saying quite a lot). Listening in on his thoughts during the return from my spar with Jasper and Emmett, however, I felt as though I had not known anything more confusing in his mind than what was going through it right then. He had no idea we were on the way back right then and surely did not realize that I could hear his ponderings clear as day – nevermind that I didn’t understand them.

When I thought on what I’d once told Bella about my ‘reading’ distance being a few miles, I almost chuckled at the white lie. Everyone close to me was, indeed, only ‘audible’ from a few miles away… except for Carlisle. The last time I checked, my adoptive father’s thoughts had started coming into my hearing range at about eighteen miles away. Amazing, since the nearest range to that was only about eight miles; Esme currently had the second-furthest distance.

Not that I’d told Carlisle any of this. If he knew just how far I could hear him, he would be so tense and tightly-wound that he would never be able to think straight. As far as he knew, his mind was only open to me at approximately ten to eleven miles, courtesy of a little test we did three years ago, but it had been growing rapidly since then; in the last several months especially. Likely because – as I was so focused on finding some sense of sanity in my black world, during the absence from Bella – I had tried desperately to hear those soothing, encouraging thoughts my father always thought in the early days of our relationship. I had pushed and pulled my limits, trying again and again to actually connect with Carlisle’s mind on an entirely separate continent, and cool the craze of loneliness and uncertainty eating away at me. I never succeeded, or so I believed then, but I had recently become almost certain both my incessant attempts and Carlisle’s constant concern for me had increased the distance from which I could listen to his thoughts.

For several years now, I had also begun to believe that Carlisle’s absolute trust, unyielding faith, and willingness to share with me ever since the start of ‘the Cullen family’ had opened his mind to my ability in ways my other family did not share. Alice, though she did not know it, was coming in closer than the others on that count, but I had high doubts that she could ever move much farther past the current distance and openness. She had her relationship with Jasper, after all, and that was not something to share with me.

But Carlisle had always shared his deepest mental journeys with me. Even his full relationship with Esme had been open for me to see once he saw how serious I was about Bella. It was so important to see any other examples I could of vampire-human entanglements. Even if Carlisle had not spent long in Esme’s company while she was a sixteen-year-old human being, even if Carlisle’s time with my biological mother had been very brief… it was useful to see any examples I could of such relationships.

As many times as I had watched the memories of my biological parents through the kindly lens of my creator’s vision, I never tired of it. No matter how flawlessly those memories were now implanted in my own head, no matter how much simpler it was for me to watch them through my – now firsthand – account of it, I went back time and again to see it secondhand through Carlisle’s own mind. Something about it always reminded me just how strongly he had felt about my mother’s plea and how desperately he would have regretted losing me to the Spanish Influenza. Having known me so short a time had not lessened the effect of my imminent death on his heart. It still amazed me that he could feel so strongly for a boy he did not know well at all, but then as Carlisle had told Bella last September, he saw in me the son he would have wanted to have… the son he could never have through natural means.

Taking in a deep breath, which – while being unnecessary – brought me some sort of focus, I admitted to myself some very important things. This weekend was going to be one of the most difficult ones I had ever faced, but I had to go through with it. Not merely because I had promised Bella as much. There was my relationship with Carlisle. That relationship was not one I was willing to relinquish in a fit of temper, no matter how much his vote and Bella’s choice upset me.

I found it quite ironic Carlisle was presently thinking of just that choice, albeit in regards to Rosalie and not Bella. Frowning quite deeply at the self-loathing turn of direction which my father’s thoughts had taken, thanks to this hapless subject, I wondered briefly why he was even thinking about it in the first place. But then his gaze turned down to his side and I realized with surprise that he had been talking to Bella.

Why on earth was Bella even at our house at all? Alice had plans in Seattle or some such, with Esme and Rosalie, and when I’d asked she had been quite positive Bella was going to be at Charlie’s tonight.

As if on cue, Carlisle’s changing wonderment explained the situation.

‘ _I do hope Charlie is all right,’_ he thought concernedly, eyeing Bella’s partially-drawn features from his peripheral vision. Her expression worried me. _'Bella is clearly attempting distraction from thinking on his situation, if she is so willing to discuss Rosalie. Edward said she avoids the topic usually… I am glad, though, that Charlie gave Bella over to my care. She needed someone to listen to her troubles. Today has been very trying for her… Perhaps I could call up to Beaver and check on the situation. Someone_ _must_ _be working the phones, if Charlie’s station got the call to come up.’_

From my knowledge of local geography, I knew that Beaver was north of Forks, the only thing north of Forks until you reached the water. So Charlie was up in Beaver… but why? If he had put Bella in my father’s care, then it must be a serious situation up there, but what could it be? I tried to listen intently and see if Carlisle would mention it, but he did not. He decided against calling, instead feeling that the people of Beaver would need the phone lines for more important uses during their troubling circumstances; he moved back to contemplation on Rosalie’s bitterness and the life he pulled her into. This left me to block him out as best I could. I knew well enough how guilty he felt for bringing all of us into this existence without our express consent. Yes, I was frustrated – and, admittedly, very hurt – by his decision to change Bella, but I was forced to admit that he was giving her the choice that none of us had. Besides that, I never liked the way in which he tormented himself for turning us all. Carlisle’s unkind thoughts towards himself would hardly boost my already-weak mood.

Emmett’s and Jasper’s thoughts were all so focused on the alone time they would later spend with my sisters that I decided to tune them out as well. For the next few miles, I engrossed myself in arguing (quite relentlessly, I might add) with my own mind over the precarious point which my relationship with Carlisle had reached. It was not precisely what I wished to think about, but it required all the thinking I could give it. Bella was beyond hopeful that the matter be resolved happily and my entire family was in quite an uproar over my current coldness towards our father and leader. Sighing, I raised my hand in a familiar gesture to pinch the bridge of my nose out of aggravation.

It was a vicious cycle that I faced. My feelings towards Carlisle, that is.

On the one hand, I understood that he did not wish to lose his son, which was what most certainly would happen once Bella was gone from this world. That thought drove me to a painful place that I had only truly entered into once before. When Rosalie’s phone call came through, when the words had unthinkingly tumbled from her lips, everything fell apart inside of me. Bella was my sun, moon, and stars; she was my heaven on earth.

Heaven for the damned. What a moronic coincidence of phrasing.

On the other hand, I hated that Bella would inevitably become a creature of eternal night, as I was. She deserved so much more than what my world could offer her and I wanted so wretchedly to give it to her, it caused a pang in my long-dead heart whenever I imagined it. How could I take her soul from her and resign her to this dead existence? And to make the feeling even worse, Carlisle was taking _my_ choice away from me. If Bella’s reason for joining the supernatural world was _me_ , then shouldn’t it be between us two? No one else should cut into our mutual choices.

But it was not Carlisle who had taken the decision from between Bella and me and placed it on the table for all of our family to deal with. Carlisle had not done that in the least; _Bella_ had.

Therein lay the cycle. A cycle of endless questions and doubts and fears I could not squash no matter how I attempted to reason it out in my head.

By the time we entered the limits of Forks, my ruminations had driven me half-mad with consternation. In their place soon after, Carlisle’s thoughts caught my attention once more. Without my notice, his mind had taken an entirely different turn from before; one that was much more discomfiting.

'… _not after a spar.’_ Apparently Carlisle was thinking about the three of us. What we would ‘not do’ after a spar, however, I could not yet tell.

‘ _And the Jeep was gone.’_ I could not discern the meaning behind the remark, but I did discern that Carlisle was on red-alert, senses attuned to everything he could possibly manage to take notice of. I watched through his narrowed eyes out the back of the house, the light inside doing nothing, but casting a glare on the glass surface. Even with vampire sight, it was difficult to see outside. Through the medium of my father’s mind, I sensed as he did when Bella recognized the tension with some surprise and inquired as to Carlisle’s wellbeing. His response made me realize precisely what my father was focusing on.

A stranger was out behind the house somewhere, right at the edge of our land. I could not hear their thoughts at this distance, only Carlisle’s, but through my father I could definitely hear them moving in the undergrowth. It was too small for a wolf, and too swift to be a human. That left only another vampire.

‘ _Too close!’_ Carlisle thought loudly, running through all the scenarios in which he could evade this visitor. I sighed in partial relief at the options he was considering. None involved fighting, if he could help it. He merely wanted to ensure Bella was safe. That calmed my mind enough that I could think more clearly, but still I worried. I didn’t know what to do. If this stranger _did_ attack, Carlisle was not exactly a fighter from what I knew, and Bella was vulnerable. I could not lose Bella, and I knew the loss of Carlisle would destroy our family. But I had no information to go on! Whoever the stranger was, they knew how to avoid cluing us into their exact location. It was maddening and infuriating to be so useless.

"Emmett, trade me," I rushed the words out at top speed, only half-understandable to my brothers, but Jasper had been noticing my spike in emotions for the past five minutes. He was about ready to head to the house on foot anyway to see what was wrong. His eyes, taking on all the qualities of the major he once was, were ready for strategy. Good.

"What?" Emmett asked, confused as anything. _'Man, what did I miss? Something's up. Edward's face looks like it's been clamped. Hope Bella's okay.'_ My burly brother had no idea how close he was to the truth.

"Trust me," I implored Emmett intensely and though he was still confused, he trusted enough to acquiesce to me. At the wheel finally, I pushed the Jeep faster to the point of causing a whine in the motor.

Carlisle called out to me as he recognized the familiar sound of the Jeep approaching and immediately his mind seemed a much easier path to tread. It always was when he purposefully opened his thoughts to me. Carlisle noticed the rustling growing stronger and closer to the property line and my panic grew as my father’s did. But something changed dramatically, in an instant. The visitor, as well, must have finally heard us as we approached the street where the drive to our house began. Through Carlisle’s thoughts, the sound of the stranger’s movements became so easy to pinpoint it was ridiculous. I now knew in what direction they were heading, as did my father.

‘ _They’re running Southeast. You’ll have to hurry.’_

I warred within myself over whether or not I should be the one to go after them, but my need to be beside Bella and ensure her safety was too strong. The Jeep whined again as I floored the pedal and immediately got Jasper on the move with words so swift he almost didn’t comprehend them. “Intruder. Heading Southeast of the house. Carlisle’s been listening since we entered city limits. They’ve heard us, but you’ll find the trail.”

Jasper didn’t wait to be told twice. In a flash, he was running in the prescribed direction with a vengeance, Emmett hot on his heels. Both of their thoughts strayed to fighting, defending, but catching the stranger was foremost. Thankful for their quick reaction, I pushed the Jeep further yet, to its utmost limits as I sped up the drive, and spun around in the front meadow to face the house. I noticed nothing at I rushed inside, but for the scents of my father and Bella. Poor Bella was so tense that Carlisle worried over her muscles becoming cramped. Now that he had heard Jasper and Emmett pass through the back yard, he was much more relaxed. Not completely, but enough that he now was trying to soothe Bella’s anxiety so she did not have a nervous breakdown. Not for the first time, I was glad my father had taken up the medical profession.

The relief in Bella’s features when I simply laid my hand on the back of her neck lightened my heart a little. Contrary to her relief, Carlisle worried. _'You heard the sound, did you not?'_

"I heard. Jasper and Emmett are on the trail," was my brief response, but I was too concerned over Bella’s safety and Jasper’s progress now to do much else. A few miles away, my brother was certain that he had never smelled the scent before. This concerned me, but there was nothing I could do as yet.

"Do you know what it was?" Bella’s shaking, worried voice partially softened me out of my anxiety. Carlisle softened as well, tightening his arm about her shoulders in comfort. The gesture reminded me that I would do far more good sitting beside Bella and comforting her than standing rigid with apprehension. I was beside her in less than a second, wrapping my arms around her waist tightly. It was very comforting to feel her warmth and hear her pulse beating beneath her skin. Even Carlisle’s hand, caught between my chest and Bella’s shoulder, added to the comfort. He was a steady presence and would be there to defend Bella if need be; his thoughts said as much.

‘ _We will not allow anything to harm her, Edward,’_ he projected directly to me. _'And now you'll be able to hear any intruders long before we see them.'_

I nodded my understanding towards him, then turned to answer Bella, “It was definitely a vampire. No one Emmett, Jasper, or I recognize. They were gone before we came into a range where I could have heard them.”

"I should have called out to you sooner," Carlisle’s words were synchronized with his thoughts; he only spoke aloud for Bella’s benefit. I completely disbelieved his idea, however. Without his thoughts being so focused on the stranger’s movements, I’d have had no idea where they were.

"You were right to concentrate on the sound, rather than sending a mental message for me," I shook my head in definite disagreement. "I’m glad you were so focused on it. I wouldn’t have heard it so clearly otherwise."

"I’ll check the scent," were the next words he uttered and I nodded absently in agreement. As he disappeared from the house, I wondered briefly if he would be able recognize this intruder, but dismissed the idea almost immediately. I doubted that anyone Carlisle knew would feel like sitting back in the shadows as if they were a skulking thief. Either they would come as a friend or they would strut arrogantly in my father’s face. The Volturi preferred pomp and circumstance to precede them and while it was pretentious, I was pleased by the need. For it gave warning of their coming.

"Edward." Bella’s sigh of relief snapped me from that disturbing train of thought, and to my appreciation, she laid her head against my chest. The action soothed my frayed nerves somewhat.

"I’m sorry Charlie had to go," I could not help myself from whispering into her ear. Carlisle was right to believe she was distracting herself from worry. "But he’ll be fine. You’ll see."

I meant that, too. Meant it more strongly than almost anything else I had ever promised her. Alice would see if something happened to Charlie and I had no doubt she would prevent it in any way possible, as would I. The questions were clear in Bella’s eyes as to my intensity, but Carlisle’s return saved me from answering.

"I didn’t truly expect to know them, but…" His worried tone dragged me back into the pit of anxiety I seemed to be digging for myself.

"It’s disconcerting," I agreed darkly. Nothing about this made me feel at ease. Something else kept me uneasy, though; something I had not noticed until my father had come back a moment ago. His thoughts were blocked again, as they had been for days. Strange how I had not acknowledged the freedom of his thought process until it was closed off again.

"The girls."

If I was not concerned for Emmett before, I certainly was now. His typically-jovial voice conveyed all the ancient sadness which _I_ usually carried with me. Bella, too, recognized this sadness, but even as much as I yearned to comfort her, I could think of no words. Emmett’s feelings were still something of a mystery at this particular place in time and he wasn’t being detailed in his mind, either. On that rare occasion he purposefully blocked me, Emmett was good at it. Mostly it was because his thoughts reached a Mike-Newton-level of annoyance or because the things he envisioned put Rosalie in situations I’d rather not see her participate in. Nevertheless, as often as I had chided Emmett’s single-mindedness, it was really a talent when it concerned blocking my ability.

No doubt Carlisle was concerned as he wondered, “Alice didn’t call, Jasper?”

"Not for a few hours," answered Jasper. "I called once and—"

"She picked up?" Bella’s interruption was decidedly unexpected and it brought us to stare impolitely at her. The flush on her face proved how little she had intended to blurt out her query. In spite of her impromptu reaction, she had already said it and now it piqued my curiosity. Why was Bella was so surprised? A sigh of comprehension came from Carlisle and I cursed his blocked mind, for it denied me the understanding he had clearly gained.

"Yes, she did," Jasper answered Bella suspiciously, honing his ability in on her emotions so as to gauge what reaction this caused in her. From out of Bella’s astonishment, hurt blossomed. To me this explained nothing, but my blond-haired brother was one step ahead of me.

‘ _Alice ignored her call,’_ he thought to me before continuing aloud, “She didn’t pick up for you, did she?”

"No," Bella’s embarrassment came in double force, through her blush and through Jasper’s extra sense. Who knew what on earth embarrassed her, but I could tell that the remaining hurt was still related to Alice’s ignoring her phone call.

"That doesn’t sound like Alice." Jasper’s frown and seeming naiveté of his own wife’s actions had my eyes rolling in vague irritation. Honestly, did he not know Alice at all?

My psychic imp of a sister had been blocking my ability for a few days now. Infuriating as it was, there was little I could do to change it. When Alice was steady on her course, no one could sway her. All the same, it clued me into the fact she was planning something. At the strength she was keeping me out, I suspected it was actually more than one thing. Ignoring her best friend was such a strange thing to do as well, so much against Alice’s natural liking for Bella’s companionship that I had no doubts she was planning quite heavily. Somehow, a reticence towards Bella was necessary to this plan. That was the part I disliked the most. Not hearing my sister’s mind was easy, compared to seeing Bella hurt over this sudden distance with her closest friend.

Well, I didn’t care what Alice was planning. We were going to talk – and soon – about this situation; Bella wasn’t going to be unnecessarily hurt any longer.

"Actually, it sounds quite a lot like her," I debated Jasper’s statement with some dry humor, for which he made no effort to hide his disdain.

"Meaning what, exactly?" he countered with a spark in his eyes that I recognized with ease. Defensiveness for my dark-haired sister filled his mind like wildfire.

For the love of all that was _holy_ , did he seriously believe his wife was full of only sunshine and daisies? Alice was small, and innocuous at times; a sweet-natured girl with so much enthusiasm she had to let it out in her own gregarious way. From first hand experience, I could prove those ideas right… to an extent. But anyone who thought Alice Cullen was unable to be downright conniving had another thing coming. No one who saw the future and made it work to her advantage was innocent of some amount of vicious ambition, no matter how small. It was lucky for all concerned that Alice’s ambition was only to keep her family happy and safe. If she had turned to the dark ways for which vampires were recognized, rather than the alternate way of life which my father had created for us, I shivered to think what she might have become.

With a vexed sigh at Jasper’s continued mental defense of his wife, I explained, “Alice is planning something. I can’t tell you what it is precisely, but I know she is certainly planning something. Or perhaps has already started the plan. Who knows?”

"I see your point." He also sighed, the defenses in his head ceasing almost instantly. Despite his initial displeasure, Jasper knew sincerity when he felt it. There was no reason not to accept my words. "But what do you mean ‘who knows’?"

"She’s been keeping up a constant mental blockade the past few days—" Here I could not restrain myself from throwing a heavy-handed look of suspicious concern to my father’s features. He, too, was running a blockade of sorts. "—so I definitely have no idea of what’s gone through her mind."

Carlisle’s blocking was far more adept than Alice’s, as it was bound to be after living around my gift for so long, but Alice’s method was working rather well. Where Alice merely covered all of her thoughts with a blanket of something else, Carlisle cordoned off the parts he did not wish me to see and left his other conscious thoughts in tact. It was like placing pieces of paper over some of the phrases in a novel; the story was still there beneath the patches, but you could not understand it until they were removed. To my misfortune, Carlisle was the only who could remove those paper patches in his mind.

My attention drifted to Jasper’s sudden frown of concern towards Bella. _'Why is Bella suddenly feeling down and out?'_ he wondered absently, still looking her way. Joining him in his gaze, I then noticed Bella’s eyes were turned to where Emmett sat. There was no problem in recognizing why she felt so downhearted; my dark-haired brother slouched unhappily on the stairs as though his world had ended. I could not stop my mouth from tightening in displeasure for the way he and Bella were affected by all of this. She was obviously getting much too stressed and Emmett was losing too much of his bright vitality.

"Just call," I told Jasper brusquely, to which he snapped away from Bella and took out his cell phone, just as it rang. It was Alice, of course. She was nothing if not prompt.

Bella was trying so hard to comprehend the rapid conversation that I had to bite back a chuckle. Jasper was in no mood to slow his speech to a human level. This stranger had been a threat to his mate and family; he wanted answers and confirmation of Alice’s safety.

Having finally given up on understanding, Bella simply leaned back into me, easing a small amount of anxiety I had not remembered building up to. As she leaned, I also dropped my head back onto the sofa, just letting the feel of her sitting safely in my arms wash over me. The discussion between Alice and Jasper leaked into my brain, but it was nothing I did not already expect. The girls would not come back tonight. It was just the way they operated on a ladies night out. If the intruder had remained nearby, they would come back, but that was not the case here.

In the middle of my concentration, an unbelievable thought popped into the one mind from which I’d never expected it to come.

'— _Edward’s his favorite. Just look at how he acted when Edward went to Italy… No way he’d act the same if it was me.’_

Stunned by this unconscionable error in judgment, I had turned around before fully processing the movement.

Emmett Cullen was no intellectual, it was true. But to believe such downright lies was asinine in the extreme. Even worse than the thought itself, was the way in which it came across. There was no jealousy, no anger, no sourness… no malice at all in his mind. He acted as if this was just a simple fact to be accepted; there was a sort of resigned knowing quality in his tone that made me want to cringe away.

"Emmett." Quiet though my address came across, the big fool brother of mine glanced up at me. I tried to convey the truth through my eyes, the feeling fairly burning in them.

"You are very wrong, you know."

What else could I say? I knew for a fact that there was a certain bond between Carlisle and I which could not be replicated. We’d shared a great deal with each other; a lot of firsts had occurred for both of us before Emmett had entered the picture; before even Esme had come into our lives. In spite of that unique bond, to think that Carlisle would lose his head over my destruction, but not completely lose it if Emmett were to be destroyed… The idea was ludicrous. Completely unheard of. I was closer to Carlisle than Emmett was. We spent more time together because of mutual interests. But there was absolutely no indication in Carlisle’s thoughts or feelings that he loved Emmett any less than me.

"Doubt it," was the muffled response from my brother. Again, he did not sound in any way angry about what he believed to be true.

"I wouldn’t, if I were you." I put every ounce of understanding and brotherly affection into the words, meaning them totally. Emmett looked away in some disbelief, but his mind thankfully strayed into less offensive waters. Subconsciously, I knew I would have to get to the bottom of that issue at some point soon. I had the feeling it was not any fault of Carlisle’s that my brother felt this way. One person, whose pessimism rivaled my own – if that were possible – was likely influencing Emmett. If I ever confirmed their actions, they would not want to be near me for quite some time. No on had the right to implant such false innuendo in the head of someone who thrived on the love of his parents almost as much as on that of his wife. But for the moment I relaxed and let the matter rest. It was one more thing to deal with in this messed up family; we were the definition of dysfunctional.

"They’re staying out," Jasper told us all as he closed the cell phone in his hand. "No sense in them coming back now the stranger’s gone, anyway. We can handle any tracking and Alice will call if she sees anything at all."

"How far did you follow the trail?" The idea of tracking had my interest. I wanted to know all I could about this stranger who had us on alert. They were a threat to my Bella’s safety.

As Jasper retraced the steps he had taken to follow the unexpected visitor through the forest, I counted out the miles in my own head. Frankly, I was disappointed that Jasper had only tracked such a small distance. The scent clearly continued on through the trees, beyond the point where my brothers stopped.

"Far enough to get a feel, then…" The trailing hint was as subtle as I could make it come across without sounding like a reprimand of Jasper’s skill. No doubt he had talent with tracking, but when I was on edge I needed more definite information than what he’d found.

"But not quite the most satisfactory distance," he concluded for me, sending out a feeling of understanding for my concerns.

_'If it were Alice,'_ he thought intently, _'– and it partly is, in this instance – I would want to know more, too.'_

Out loud, he finished, “I say we go a little farther.”

This was something I felt compelled to do for Bella’s sake, at least, but probably equally as much for my own. Panic was not a friendly companion and I hoped dearly that following this path would end some of it. With both Carlisle and Emmett here at the house to defend Bella if need be, I felt safest doing it now.

"Perhaps we can get a sense of what they were doing, at least," I agreed and nodded at him in thanks, although he could feel my appreciation well enough without the gesture.

As Jasper made his way to the back door, Bella’s fearful question gave me pause before I stood. “What if you run into them?”

I needn’t tell her of Jasper’s other talents as yet; that story might wait until after her transformation. The old vision of Bella with cold, hard, white skin and crimson eyes made me flinch internally. To all except Jasper, however, I appeared completely normal.

"We’ll sense them before we reach them," I attempted to reassure her. It was true we would hear the thoughts and feelings of the stranger before we came upon them, but it wouldn’t be for long at the rate which we could run. Bella was obviously not convinced. I had not honestly expected her to be, but her inability to debate the point stopped her from arguing with me about it.

"Be careful," she asked me pleadingly. The worry in her voice stopped me from chuckling when she squeezed my hand with all of her frail human strength.

"I will be," I told her as truthfully as possible, smiling reassuringly. I kissed her warm lips very softly, in the hopes of taking away some of her anxiety if possible. Her lack of response enlightened me upon a point which I already knew, but sighed exasperatedly at all the same. Bella would never stop worrying, just as she had told me Tuesday morning.

Our argument, one of the heaviest and bluntest we had yet encountered, was hard to think back on without cringing. Unresolved problems followed us everywhere and brought on such a feeling of discomfort that it was difficult to even discuss it. The hardest bit of it all, same as with Alice’s distance, was knowing that Bella was hurting so deeply because of it. She had been through so much since involving herself with me and yet I was still hurting her. Unintentional though that hurt was, as much as I was trying to limit what hurt her, it still happened. I would rather destroy myself over and over again than make that occur so often to my beloved.

Realizing I could do little else for Bella’s overwrought nerves or my own misguided musings at the present time, I followed Jasper out the back and turned my senses to the vampire scent ahead of us as a momentary and necessary distraction from it all.

* * *

 


	2. Alienation

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

> **Chapter 2: Alienation**

Blades of grass and stray leaves barely crumpled beneath my feet as I ran in step with Jasper along the very same paths he and Emmett had made earlier. Now we would follow the trail of our unknown visitor back into the forest behind the house as far as we could. The path left from when Emmett and Jasper went after the stranger was distant enough to easily separate the clove-like scent of the intruder from the familiar scents of my brothers.

As we continued on the way they had already examined, I reminded myself of all that Jasper and Emmett had seen on their first round. There was only one path the stranger followed, which meant the route leading _away_ from the house was the exact same one that had led to it in the first place. I could not decide what that meant exactly, not yet, but Jasper had some tentative ideas and I would just wait to see what he thought of it. From Jasper's conclusions earlier, I could see how the trail seemed to begin in quite an unorthodox manner, particularly once it was clear the stranger never – not even once – crossed the river behind our home. The trail wound through the woods as though the vampire had been dodging in and out of the trees most of the way here, and once again no visible reason presented itself.

Once Jasper and Emmett's first trail wore off, it was all too simple to recognize a rather obvious error on the part of our visitor. Stopping about five yards away from the lucky mistake, our eyes were drawn in unison to an Alpine Fir upon which the stranger had made quite an impression. Panic had made their escape attempt very sloppy. Several scraps of branches lay on the ground beneath the tree and within the space where those broken pieces had come from, a swatch of white and rust-colored fabric had become tightly pinched between a number of branches. Smirking grimly at our immense luck, I stepped forward, avoiding the actual trail of the stranger, and reached out to take the fabric gently from it nested hiding place. Bringing my nose close enough to take in the concentrated scent, however, led to an unsettling discovery. For one, I had unconsciously been holding my breath out of anticipation; not a satisfactory way to perform an investigation. For another thing, the spot of rusty red, which I had assumed to be the fabric's dyed pattern, was actually a dry stain of human blood.

Of course I already realized this was not a 'vegetarian' vampire, but to see the obvious signs of their diet sitting so plainly on their clothing was disturbing. Especially with Bella in such close proximity and the signs all pointing to the fact this person had been watching Bella and Carlisle with some intensity. For once in all our time spent in Forks, I regretted the open, inviting windows of our home. They were the portals through which an unwelcome presence kept tabs of some sort on my love and my family.

"Human blood," I muttered low, mostly to myself, as Jasper investigated all around the fir tree for any further evidence. Thankfully this particular human's fragrance was nothing amazingly appealing. Certainly it had nothing on Bella's freesia-scented veins, at least.

' _I don't like this,'_ Jasper admitted in his mind with great unease – which he inadvertently allowed to seep over to me – frowning all the while.

"Neither do I," I confessed with equal discomfort, eyes narrowed on the plain piece of material in my hand. Once one moved past the smell of the unfortunate human victim, the stranger's scent was much stronger than the path itself; it would last long enough for Esme, Alice, and Rosalie to smell and catalogue it once they returned home.

"This… _visitor_ …" contempt filled Jasper's voice for the mild and unassuming term we used to describe the invading presence, but he continued, "is still somewhat new. Not brand new, but not long past the year mark, if at all. They're controlled enough to refrain from heading straight for Bella's scent just 200 yards away, but they required sustenance before coming here. And their feeding habits are still messy."

"Is there any chance they were simply passing in curiosity?" I couldn't keep the question from popping up. Any hope for it not being a planned journey was pinned on Jasper's evaluation.

A single glance full of sympathy was all he gave me in reply. _'Sorry,'_ he shrugged helplessly. Sighing heavily, I nodded my understanding and he took one more cursory glance around us before moving further ahead. The pace was slower than normal, so as to inventory everything in sight, and I followed at a bit of a distance to make my own examinations as I passed.

I wondered what else we might be lucky (or perhaps unlucky) enough to find, when Jasper stopped rather suddenly ahead of me.

"Strange," Jasper murmured, just loud enough to be heard from where I stood. His worry increased exponentially, spreading over me as well before he regained some control over it. Through his eyes, I stared at a simple patch of dead grass, which had long since stopped growing.

"What?" I was forced to prompt him out of his silence. Even his mind was quiet. "What is it?"

Of all the family, only Jasper was able to create silence in his mind as a block against my ability. Usually he couldn't make it last very long, but it was enough to drive me to instant panic. Jasper had that under control, too, before it clouded my judgment, and replied, "Another scent."

Stunned by this revelation, I moved forward in an instant to his side and examined the scent which he had tried to block out of his mind at first. Quickly, I realized it was not to hide it from me, but to keep his instincts under wraps. There was another patch of clothing, stained with human blood, but the stain was richer and fresher in scent than previously. Momentarily, I admired my brother's growing strength of resistance to spilled blood, then glanced at the blue material that was not caught in anything; it lay innocuously on the ground at our feet. Hesitantly, Jasper reached down to pick it up, but nervously handed it off to me a moment afterward.

' _I'm not taking the chance,'_ he convinced himself of that much, mostly because Bella was still at the house and he wanted no possibility of a single blood spot creating another fiasco like the one at Bella's birthday. A wince escaped me at the disaster which had ensued, not only that day, but months afterward. To my relief Jasper didn't notice the gesture.

Looking again at the patch of grass around which we stood – blatantly attempting to divert my brain from my biggest mistake – it seemed to me that part of it was crushed down… shaped oddly like a body. Like a human body… but surely this second vampire had not drained his victim here. Absolutely no scent of the human, save their blood on the blue material in my hand, was present at the scene.

"Doesn't it appear as though a body was thrown here?" I questioned Jasper quietly, gesturing with my free hand to the beaten down grass.

"Exactly what I thought," he agreed suspiciously, narrowing amber eyes on the indicated patch. In a lightning-quick movement, he was on the ground, hovering just above the packed earth. Sniffing lightly, he almost instantly reverted to his standing position. "The first vampire was thrown here, but not the second."

What then, of this second vampire? Had they thrown the first on this spot, then faced retaliation, before carrying them off so as to avoid suspicion before tearing and burning the pieces? I tried in vain not to let the confusion show through, but it was plain enough that I had engendered absolutely no idea what happened. Nothing fit together of this puzzle. Even Jasper was at a loss by the strange occurrences.

' _Let's move on,'_ he suggested warily, and I had no response but to follow him once more at a far slower speed than we'd intended to travel at the outset.

Four more locations followed, deeper and deeper into the blackness of the forest, in which a new scent was found and the old one dissipated to half its strength, also bearing a spot of packed earth where one vampire was thrown down. We climbed trees and leaped into them without discrimination, uncertain how these strangers had traveled without making more than one trail at a time. My panic neared a breaking point when we at last reached a final place near the cliff-side which, oddly enough, was the least intimidating to me. Nothing stood out as extraordinarily threatening; no new vampire had tread here. The last vampire's scent ended at the waterline and that was all there was to this particular spot, as far as I was concerned.

Jasper reached far different conclusions, if his narrowed eyes and clinical focus were anything to judge by. Frustrated by my lack of similar focus and understanding, I stalked impatiently along the cliff-side while my brother worked over the scene. He stood tall with his nose in the breeze, hovered over the ground as he had in the first grassy patch, stalked the shrubs surrounding us like a predator, and scanned the ground for evidence of whatever theory he was hiding from me. Times like these always reminded me just how weak my 'detective skills' so-called, really were – especially in comparison to Jasper's. Tracking Victoria so unsuccessfully, way down in South America while she followed Bella around Forks, always made me grind my teeth in exasperation.

"Wait here," Jasper ordered brusquely, all traces of brother left behind in favor of the once-major. Although I was momentarily startled when he leaped without warning into the trees which led away from the trail, I decided reluctantly to follow his advice. Hopefully he knew well enough what he was doing.

At last, after what felt like an eternity with nothing but Jasper's vague mental hemming and hawing, he stopped stepping around the land and reappeared at my side, mind clear.

Taking a deep breath for composure, he explained gravely in his thoughts, _'There were seven different vampires in a clearing two miles off that way.'_ His finger pointed off in the direction he had just traveled, but I paid it no mind.

"What do you mean?" I inadvertently half-shouted the remark defensively, my shock palpable. Seven more vampires, all at once, with no visible tracks for us to find? In addition to the six scents we had already found, this was very, _very_ bad. No, worse than that, it was disparagingly deadly. Especially with newborns. "More of them? Which way did they come from?"

"The same ones," he said aloud, hoping that an upfront remark would keep me from too much shock. His ability already failed to work as well on me as Jasper had hoped; he was forced to try something else to cool me down.

"The same…" I began to snort in disbelief, but quickly realized what must have happened. "They took to the highest branches, didn't they?"

' _No vampires were in the trees,'_ Jasper went on to think, surprising me further. _'All the scents are on the ground. Even as far back as the house, there were absolutely no scents in the trees. I checked that thoroughly.'_

"But… but _how_?" I hissed through clenched teeth, venom pooling in my mouth along with my anger.

' _The water,'_ he thought, nodded sideways at the ocean beside us. Turning to gaze uncomprehendingly at the offending body of water, I blinked in mild confusion. What reason would they have to go into the water, only to come back to another spot in the forest?

"Explain."

' _They went into the water to break off their trail. Then they came back up a couple miles away, in the clearing I just found.'_

I couldn't help asking suspiciously, "For what purpose?"

"Come and see," he replied aloud, turning to lead me away.

Never would I forget the shock I felt upon entering the clearing he spoke of. A bonfire, or what would have amounted to one when it first was lit, barely smoldered now as a pile of very familiar ashes.

"They were all burned," only a murmur seemed to leave my throat. Everything was simply too strange, even for the world of the supernatural. Was the 'arsonist' here the same vampire biting citizens in Seattle?

' _Only six,'_ Jasper corrected mentally. _'The other…'_

"…went into the water," I finished for him knowingly. "But why all this rigmarole? Why watch us and then destroy the watchers? And how did they only make one path at a time? That's what confuses me."

"Not sure on the _why_ ," Jasper admitted with a deep frown of frustration, "but I can tell you the _how_."

"Here or…?" I wasn't sure we were still in the clear, despite the obvious destruction of these six strangers and the flight of the seventh.

"Here." He shook his head as if to clear it. "No one will overhear us. Alice would call if they could."

"True," I agreed dully. "Let's hear it, then."

"The first vampire – the watcher –" he started, beginning to pace like he would with his troops before a battle, wrists locked behind his back and head stooped in careful thought, "was sent off at a certain time to gather some kind of information – potentially nonexistent, if I'm thinking correctly – then the second, the third, and so on. They were each given a stopping point along the trail – each one told independently of each other, I believe. Once the first vampire came back, with some… trinket or sign on his person, the second vampire incited him to attack and then tore him apart when he actually lunged."

"This was planned, you say?" My interruption was not well timed, from an outside perspective, but it caught my attention of a sudden.

"It must have been," Jasper nodded decisively.

"How can you tell? Aside from Victoria and the Volturi breathing down our necks, that is."

From what I had seen, not much indicated that this run-then-attack method of escaping had been all that well planned, if at all. More like some wildly fierce newborns lunging at each other over supposed territory. A shiver fell over me at the thought, considering Bella was in that 'territory.'

Jasper actually smiled grimly back at me, looking vaguely satisfied with the question. "Did you happen to notice," he responded calmly, "that each time a vampire was thrown down, the shape of the spot they flattened was progressively larger?"

"Oh," I blinked in surprise once again, his words and my vague understanding only enhanced by his memories of just such a stunt from his time with the southern armies. That made perfect sense. "I see what you mean. The leader, or whoever started this… _surveillance_ … planned in advance that each vampire along the line would be larger than their predecessor, and better able to take them out."

"Exactly," he nodded again, strangely please by my comprehension. "But each time, the succeeding vampire only tore apart the previous one. They did not burn them; maybe didn't even know how. I think they carried them to the next point, traded off the parts with the next vampire they met, and then were torn apart themselves before they could leave. It continued until the sixth vampire dropped into the water, carrying the dismembered limbs of his fellows, and reappeared in this clearing to collect whatever reward he was promised – likely a human's blood, unless I don't know my own history – While the sixth vampire was feeding off their reward, the seventh vampire sprung at them and then burned all the vampires before taking off into the ocean."

"So, the seventh vampire," I concluded uneasily, "of whom we really have no tangible proof of scent, is the culprit behind watching us?"

"I doubt it," Jasper shook his head with a slight sigh of frustration, which was only too easy to echo in my own mind. "I imagine that seventh vampire is already burned. The real culprit is probably safely out of our range right now and has been from the beginning."

"Then what, for the love of God, was all this?" I gestured around us and back towards the house, more bewildered and infuriated than ever. "A prank? A gesture of… warning? None of it makes sense, Jasper."

"It was certainly not a prank," he snorted in agitation. "You want my guess? The person behind all this was a little overwhelmed with all these young ones suddenly passing their year mark. They didn't intend to keep them… If they even intended to make them in the first place. So they gathered a bit of surveillance, perhaps, so the effort of enacting this charade to kill the seven newborns was not a complete waste."

"Then this was useless?" I half-shouted, feeling no guilt for my irascibility flooding his extra sense of feeling. Surely he couldn't expect this meandering to be considered a success? "We've learned nothing, except that someone unknown to us has control issues, careless feeding habits, a sadistic pleasure in spying on our family for no apparent reason, and a damned ego-complex to boot!"

Turning roughly away, I ran one hand through my unruly bronze hair and with the other pinched my nose so thoroughly that I lost my sense of smell momentarily. Couldn't just one thing go my way lately? Just _one_? Was that really too much to ask? First Bella held a vote on her own mortality, of all things. Then Carlisle promised to change her in a little less than four months. Jacob Black brought the pack down on my family for no reason whatsoever. Carlisle exposed practically every skeleton in our family closet. Only now, nearly everyone in the family had gained new ones they never wanted to have exposed. Bella insisted on a hunting trip alone with Carlisle, the one person I was having difficulty not snarling at for his thoughtless agreements. And now there was an intruder at the house who not only got way, but was destroyed before anything could be gained from their thoughts. A snarl of epic proportions nearly escaped me in reaction to it all, but Jasper knew when to stop my… ah… _tantrums_ from going too far.

The rage still simmered beneath this new veneer of calm, but Jasper held firm.

"We've learned plenty from tonight," he contradicted with confidence. I would have sneered if he hadn't continued forcefully, "Number one, someone is at least keeping a close eye on us. Not that we didn't know that already, but at least we know they're not waiting around for anything in particular. Number two, the leader who arrange this spying venture is much more devious than we think; I can guarantee they're no newborn. Number three: the water can be misleading to us. I might even call it an outright weakness if I didn't know to look for it in our search. And lastly, those idiotic patches of fabric you just shredded out of frustration are – thankfully – of no use to us anymore."

If I had been human, I would undoubtedly have been turning almost as red as Bella when I heard the last remark. "Sorry," I muttered low, tossing the pointless scraps of material to the ground between our feet.

"Nevermind." He shook his head with a partially-refrained sigh. "Might as well go back and tell Carlisle and Emmett."

"Carlisle will be slightly relieved that the spy is gone," I commented with a tiny measure of my own relief, "but Emmett's going to become even more..."

The right word slipped my mind at the moment, but Jasper knew well enough what Emmett had been feeling lately to understand my meaning.

"Yes," he agreed on a groan. "I know what you mean."

It took every ounce of my concentration to not check the trees over a second time on our return trip, but my brother managed the impulse in me quite easily. It would have been hard to stop without his help. Everything felt like a second pair of eyes waiting to pounce. I wasn't usually this disconnected from my confidence, but the thought of how easily the stranger had watched us gave me a pervading chill.

When we returned home, Carlisle waited on the couch, Emmett sitting near his feet like boy awaiting his father's bedtime story. The image was so incongruous at first that I had to maintain laughter… until I noticed Bella asleep in my father's embrace. Relieved was an understatement for how I felt at seeing her sleeping finally, even if only for another hour or two. Carlisle moved immediately to hand Bella over to me when I appeared on her other side; I nearly grasped Bella in my embrace when she started to stir. Frozen mid-reach across the sofa, I rapidly decided Bella's sleep was more important than anything else. If she was sleeping well, then I wanted her to continue that way.

"Nevermind," I murmured very quietly, carefully pulling back to lay my hands atop Bella's curled legs. Hesitantly, Carlisle settled Bella back into his hold with her head resting against his chest. The adorably serene face she made once she was comfortably situated had me chuckling with great affection, and I could see how much like a father Carlisle appeared just then, holding his daughter while she slept obliviously through the night. Bella looked just childlike enough at that very moment to pull off the illusion of a little girl.

How quickly that childlike quality of sleep would disappear when she was one of our kind.

A deep frown creased my face. What a way to remind myself of the impending losses Bella would be facing. As if I didn't have enough trouble envisioning Bella as a vampire…

"What did you find?"

Carlisle's soft-spoken question drew my thoughts away from the looming future long enough to respond with some coherency to his curiosity. Not that I felt like describing the disturbing morning's findings much at the time, particularly with Carlisle; his plans to change Bella suddenly grated on me more than they had most of the week. "Jasper, why don't you explain what you told me?"

_'Evading conversational situations isn't going to help your dispute with Carlisle any,'_ Jasper reprimanded me, narrowing his eyes at the sense of discomfiture, unwillingness, and infantile stubbornness I exuded. Not bothering to reply to his rather truthful estimation, I turned my focus to Bella's sleeping form as Jasper relayed the specifics of our search to an increasingly anxious Carlisle and exceptionally agitated Emmett. Just as I had expected them to react.

As much as I was reluctant to speak, I ended up adding quite a few of my own remarks to the subject, most of which irritated Jasper to no end due to their inconsequential nature. None of the comments I offered were especially friendly toward Carlisle, almost insinuating that he was partly to blame for the intruder. This was ridiculous and I knew it, but I was too angry with his goal for Bella to think much of it. Of course, Carlisle never rose to the bait, which then caused Jasper to pity and admire Carlisle; almost as much as he felt cross and agitated with me. Hard though it was to imagine what he was going through right now, I did feel some sympathy towards my empathetic brother. Our family was fighting its way through an emotional tsunami that practically overrode Jasper's ability and the one person who had the chance to begin fixing it all was still behaving quite childishly.

I had to bite back a groan at the familiar catch twenty-two I always seemed to find myself caught in. If I stayed firm in all of my beliefs, I alienated my entire family and destroyed their emotional stability. If I did not stay firm, I gave up the fight for Bella's humanity and ruined my pride. Yes, I was ashamed to admit pride played a part in all of this. It was partly my pride which kept me from forgiving Carlisle immediately and apologizing for the many unjust words I had told him of late.

Echoing my raging internal storm, a pitter-patter of raindrops began to fall outside the house just as Jasper wrapped up his explanations. Not that the small town of Forks had ever done anything _but_ rain; still, it felt as though tonight's deluge was perfectly timed to follow the vastly ranging emotions of myself and my family. Luck was with us in a way, though (strangely enough). This much I had to admit. For this show of Mother Nature had only now come upon us. Had we waited any later to follow the scent of our spy, the now-pounding rain would have destroyed the trail and we would not have realized anything about our intruders or the person behind them.

Relief in the form of a soft sigh escaped Carlisle of a sudden, surprising me. How anything at the moment could even remotely bring my father a sense of peace astounded me. Someone was after our family and Bella! Jasper's information could not possibly have made him pleased, could it?

But by picking through Jasper's brain, I was able to pick up on the more heavily-weighted feelings of stress and apprehension which Carlisle exuded. The relief was very tiny in comparison; perhaps I was exaggerating because of my own anxieties. All the same, my curiosity could be entirely untamed in some instances and in such cases it caused my general impatience to compound itself a hundred-fold.

"What's that about?" I asked bluntly, bringing three faces to stare at me blankly. With a rough sigh, I quickly clarified who I meant, "Carlisle. You seem almost relieved about all of this. I can't think of anything less relieving than tonight's findings."

The hint of accusation, so often present in my voice lately, made him wince nigh imperceptibly, but I caught it easily after almost ninety years practice. Holding back a cringe of my own, although I did not apologize, I waited for his explanation.

"Neither can I," he agreed with a vague, downward turn of his mouth. "I'm not sure what you mean, Edward. I never thought this was – in any way – a pleasant set of facts."

"Your sigh said otherwise."

Disinterestedly rude was the best way to describe my behavior, a form of reaction that Carlisle knew me very well for, but he was not paying much attention from what I could tell. Distracted by some other thoughts, he finally sighed a second time – deeper and heavier than the first – and allowed a trail of vaguely disconnected thoughts to flow through his mind for my perusal… Bella's restless phone call sometime around midnight, the sudden ringing of the telephone in the background of Bella's house, Charlie's abrupt phone call to Carlisle, Bella's dead expression as my father pulled up to her house, Charlie's gruff goodbye to his daughter while Carlisle looked on from Bella's bedroom window, and the lifeless way Bella stared down the street even after her father was long gone. All of it passed into my brain before I allowed anything to show on my face. Granted, Jasper was getting it all, chock-full of unwanted emotions jabbing into his senses, but that was common enough in our home that I felt no guilt.

Beaver faced a sudden wildfire and Forks' three-man police force had been called in to help. Bella was nothing if not unlucky and I was beginning to wonder if Charlie wasn't in a similar, albeit less intense, bad luck situation of his own. No wonder Bella was here with Carlisle when we came home. Charlie would want to ensure someone stopped Bella from running off after him to watch his back, and based on her reaction to the circumstance, I could not blame him for mistrusting her temporary sanity. Besides, Charlie Swan was a man of preparation when he wanted to be. If anything happened to the chief, he would want Bella to find out in a place where she was loved and well cared for. And as much as he disliked me for leaving his daughter in the despicable depression she had gone through, Charlie knew Bella was happiest with my family, should the day come prematurely that she would have to live without him.

It was with a very powerful shove that I put away the thoughts of when Bella would leave Charlie, not the other way around. There was enough depression running rampant around here; I should not add to it unnecessarily.

"I see," I admitted with a sigh of surrender. No more would be gained by continually accusing and belittling Carlisle for things beyond his control. And I had to confess, however unwillingly at times, that my father felt far too much guilt and dejection already for the things he _had_ taken under his control; those things that perhaps were not entirely his right to control in the mortal world. Seeing as my mind loved to volley back and forth between feeling trust and feeling rejection towards my father, it was impossible to feel confused by this sudden shift in affection. Emotional ping-pong should be considered an Olympic Sport, as I was beginning to believe.

"You'd think these two would have learned how much we hate that," commented Jasper with dry wit to a vaguely morose and surly Emmett, who would probably not even attempt to respond positively – if he responded at all, that is. It was only my low expectations of the outcome of Jasper's wry joke which kept me from sighing at the predicted reaction.

"Hmph," Emmett grunted unappreciatively, scowling slightly at the floor as though this humor was deeply beneath him. Jasper dropped the pretense without verbal reply.

' _Not the response I was hoping for,'_ the former soldier thought for my benefit, however. Nodding near imperceptibly to the truth of that statement, I then merely turned back to Bella's sleeping form. I couldn't say much of use anyhow; Emmett was usually very easy to snap back into his old, joyous self. Whatever was wrong with the bear-like vampire now, it would take a more intuitive strategy than our current ones.

"I am sorry," Carlisle apologized aloud, smiling slightly at Jasper even as his eyes trailed over to Emmett with concern. "I can explain, if you wish. I simply felt it might be better to reassure Edward quickly before he troubled himself overmuch."

' _I know how you worry for Bella,'_ he added kindly in his thoughts.

There was no stopping the wince that enveloped me then. Carlisle was only saying precisely what he felt, wholeheartedly, towards me. Of course, he was worried about me. Not about my reaction to himself, but about my personal feelings over the situation. His every thought (or at least the obvious ones I could hear) echoed that motive. Despite myself, I recognized that no matter how much he hid his thoughts, I knew he was telling a simple truth. It made me self-conscious about my harsh words for him, not to mention it reminded me just why I should be giving him a chance to explain himself over our hunt this weekend. Reality had a way of giving me a good kick when I least expected it to – and in the least probable ways.

I spoke up curtly before any remarks from my brothers could make themselves known, "I should take Bella upstairs."

Emmett wasn't paying much attention anymore, for which I was only partially thankful. Jasper tried very admirably not to be judgmental about my behavior, but found it rather hard.

' _You're being callous to wrong man,'_ he conjectured reproachfully. This particular line of speculation had been too difficult for him to pass up, apparently. _'Carlisle is the last person in the world to take it as anything but justice; comeuppance for whatever wrongs he may or may not have committed.'_

In the middle of reaching for Bella, I couldn't even attempt to deny how much that hurt. My brother was both satisfied by this emotion and upset with it. On the one hand he couldn't help being pleased I started to see how wrong he thought I was, but on the other, he certainly didn't enjoy making me feel terrible about myself. It was no secret that, Carlisle aside, I was the most self-effacing of the family. The only difference was I showed it and he did not.

I could see that Jasper was right in a very significant way. Constantly (each and every day, in other words), Carlisle already laid guilt around himself, the same as a builder putting down bricks. For every brick I could place at my creator's feet, he had already laid two. If someone didn't slow Carlisle's progress in erecting that steadily growing pile of bricks, he would eventually build a wall.

Who was I kidding? Carlisle would completely wall himself in, if he could. And who was I to help that unhappy circumstance along?

"Thank you for taking care of her," I murmured to Carlisle, unable to look him in the eye as I gently lifted Bella into my arms.

A much deeper satisfaction immediately rose from the depths of Jasper's mind, which sent a small thrill of happiness through me. Yet the sense of astounded joy that my brother felt from Carlisle a moment later had my slight happiness crashing in on itself. Carlisle shouldn't have to feel surprised about being complimented by his own son. Ashamed, but unable to conjure a suitable response in light of my recent behavior, I headed upstairs, leaving behind a rather confused father and a very torn empath.

Bella hardly stirred in my arms during the brief jog up to my room and even as I lay down with her in the borrowed bed, she only rustled slightly downwards before settling closely against my chest. Sighing pleasantly, I eased my head softly atop her dark brown tresses, encased her thin body in my arms, and gladly closed my eyes so as to focus on her precious heartbeat, one of few things (aside from music) that could aid in the process of clearing my mind.

Every light thrum which sounded from Bella's chest sent another wave of peace rippling over and through me, steadily draining away the negative emotions that had so powerfully overcome me that day. A sigh of utmost relief from downstairs encouraged a smile to flash briefly across my face. Jasper deserved a bit of simple relief with which to fuel his ability. Hard as it was to drag the peace from our family at the best of times, it was even worse to try it when we had fallen so low in hope.

' _Thank you,'_ came the soft, Texan-accented thoughts, barely a murmur even in the mind. It may not have even been a conscious thought, but a mental sigh of absentminded ease.

Wasting no time in questioning my sudden change of perspective, Jasper immediately began infusing this small bit of relaxation into the atmosphere of the house. To say the effect was immediate would be no exaggeration. Emmett's telltale gloomy outlook lightened fractionally, enough that he felt mild joy over Rosalie's impending return the next day. Carlisle certainly began thinking far less agitatedly over the situation of our strange visitor and the implications this matter held for our family.

Instead, he decided to explain the circumstances surrounding Bella and Charlie and the wildfire in Beaver. Ignoring the ensuing discussion and all the thoughts my brothers suddenly spouted, I slipped back into a place of peace with only Bella's heartbeat. It was truly serene, really. Hearing the calm pulse feed her entire body with the life in her very human veins was incredibly reassuring.

So engrossing was this behavior that I was much too startled by the abrupt reappearance of my mother's and sisters' mental voices. A glance at the time proved just how out of it I had been. Almost two hours had passed! Shaking my head to clear that useless line of thought, I recognized I was being subconsciously bombarded with scenes from Esme and Rosalie of the so-called 'night out.' I almost bit my own tongue off in order to stifle my startled exclamation at the sight of the fires they had been dousing. Very suddenly, Jasper gasped out loud at the waves of fury I felt towards the approaching women, even toward Esme. For one thing, they had been foolish and reckless by not telling us of their plans. What if they had been destroyed because the fires were too much to handle? But more than that, I was absolutely disgusted because Esme and Alice had no intention of telling either of their husbands what had been going on.

Alice I could somewhat understand – thanks to Jasper's stringent, forceful vow after the incident in Italy – and truthfully, I had no right to interfere with her and Jasper's relationship at this point, if ever.

But Esme and Carlisle had always encouraged my interference when they were behaving stupidly towards or about one another. To be quite blunt, despite my great affection towards my mother, Esme was more often the stupid one in their relationship. Not that I could really blame her. Most of her 'stupid' reactions stemmed from the neglect and abuse she had suffered in her human life and a lifelong insecurity she had been hard-pressed to let go of, even twenty years into her marriage with Carlisle, let alone eighty-five years on. It seemed her old insecurities had reared many ugly heads in my long period of absence the past several months. She would need many of my confidence-boosting talks to kick her back into gear and I fully accepted my responsibility in that department. This one choice had now put her on my to-do list for the next year, perhaps longer.

It was sickening to know the blame I carried, however inadvertently, for Esme's revert to type. Indeed, I knew quite well after the conversations with Alice, Jasper, and Bella that Rosalie's attitude – Esme's second choice for advice, whenever I was not present – had pushed Esme back into her old ways. Nevertheless, for Esme to feel fearful of Carlisle's reaction once he found out the truth was simply ludicrous. I was highly upset with her for allowing such a thing to reenter her solid relationship with Carlisle. By withholding this, Esme would start quite an uncomfortable chain of events. Carlisle would realize instantly something was wrong with his beloved wife, which would then make him nervous and worried she had been hurt or insulted somehow, then he would be confused and upset she did not feel the need to tell him of any such development. Following that, Carlisle would be disappointed Esme had lost trust in him, then he would undoubtedly feel hurt and being to lose faith in himself… he would fear he was failing as a husband and a friend. If it truly got that far, then Carlisle would feel a need to distance himself from us all, thus creating the illusion he was upset with _us_ , rather than himself. And all for something he did not even do.

No amount of frustration with Carlisle could ever make me wish any of that on him. Before even Esme had come, my creator… no, my _father…_ was all I had; Carlisle was everything for me in those first three years, even when I railed at him in anger. Regardless what anyone believed, _he_ came first for me. The only one who came before that was Bella. Esme followed closely, of course. I loved her very much and hated to hurt her in any way. But if she was going to be driving my sensitive, softhearted father insane with unreasonable fears and doubts, then she might just deserve a bit of a talking-to.

Even as Emmett jumped up at the sound of the M3's softly purring engine and hurried outside to wait and greet Rosalie, I was already half-deciding just what words my sweet-tempered mother was momentarily unladylike enough to handle.

By the time Esme actually entered the house and swept straight into Carlisle's arms, I accepted that I would never use the words I had come up with. I knew that without thinking really… but sometimes, being a gentleman did not seem very productive.

Knowing I could not consciously leave Bella alone when bad dreams still plagued her, I made a choice which set my path for the night – and conceivably the entire weekend.

"Carlisle, would you come sit with Bella, please?"

* * *

 


	3. Tension

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

> **Chapter 3: Tension**

Alternating soft and heavy patterns of spluttering water droplets fell with inexorable consistency against the windowed walls of our home, the many fluid shapes flattered brilliantly by the darkness which exposed every tear-shaped outline as it splashed magnificently on wide panes of glass. Even to one who had seen more rain that most humans could see in two or three lifetimes, the sounds were mildly distracting and, in any case, added a touch of cacophony to the present lecture. Which was just as well, seeing as Jasper's voice had begun to drone slightly near the end of his delegated explanations. Rather forcefully, I was reminded of a famous linguist reciting a litany of heavy-handed glossary terms to small, dawdling elementary school children.

One could only hope my militaristic son did not fully realize the wildly disproportionate amusement that passed through me at the thought. Just the once, I wished for him to miss it entirely. I recognized the feeling of humor more as a response to my own irrational panic than as a childish inability to understand the seriousness of the circumstances at hand. Indeed, my strange humor often – and inexplicably – reached formerly-unknown heights immediately before a crisis approached. The effect was oftentimes embarrassing and discomfiting, unless or until Jasper took control of it with an amused, albeit bracing, smile.

Emmett's sullen demeanor was completely and unbelievably surreal, by comparison. My brawny, jocular son had lost so much of himself after the events of recent months. Those boyish dimples, so cherished by Rosalie and Esme, had lain dormant for far too long. As many times before, I felt worry building up in heavy layers within me at the sight of that dour face and weighted stance. And how I missed that boy's booming laughter!

Shifting uncomfortably at this unsettling line of thought, I was jolted back to reality by a warm puff of breath from the fragile little package I had settled against my chest. Bella. Sweet, selfless Bella... so trusting of us that she could sleep even after what had transpired not long before. Thinking of the young girl and her deeply-rooted presence in all of our lives reminded me vividly of the troubled manner in which she had been handed over to my care earlier that morning. The rain, a moment ago only a backdrop of noise, now sent a small wave of appeasement through me; not nearly enough to overshadow the continuing worry I tried to repress, but enough to give a part of my mind some ease. Charlie – whom I prayed was healthy and unharmed – would soon be free from the wildfire's devastating possibilities, for the rain was fast becoming a full-blown storm of epic proportions.

Allowing a single sigh to vent my edgy relief, absently I wondered how long the break in tension would last for me. I was frankly startled when Edward's sharp voice nearly echoed throughout the room a minute later. "What's that about?"

Neither Emmett nor Jasper seemed to understand the question anymore than I did, if their blank faces spoke the truth, which only served to fuel my contentious son's agitation as a gruff sigh escaped him.

"Carlisle," he specified with a faint grinding of his back teeth, something I was positive he did not even realize he was doing.

What on earth did I do? Surely I had not failed in rerouting his mind-reading. I had not slipped in such a way for many decades. It was so much second nature to initiate a block that I did not require conscious control of it at the present time. "You seem almost relieved about all of this. I can't think of anything less relieving than tonight's findings."

Wincing was partly an instinctive reaction to the gritty, accusatory undertone of Edward's remark and it was difficult to restrain it completely. Doubtless my sons could still pick out the heavily-suppressed gesture if they were watching closely enough.

_Really_ , Edward? Would you think such a thing of me? It hurt to imagine my first son's faith falling so far off the mark. I had half a mind to send those very thoughts for him to hear, but it would be all too easy for him to simply ignore.

"Neither can I. I'm not sure what you mean, Edward," I answered, frowning mildly in genuine confusion. "I never thought this was – in any way – a pleasant set of facts."

"Your sigh said otherwise," was his callously cool reply.

Oh, for heaven's sake. How could he make something out of _that_? Was I a criminal for such simple gestures? Instead of answering him aloud, I sighed deep within myself and decided my mind was, indeed, a better place to reason out this nonsensical argument. And perhaps, with Edward's born impatience, it was better if he saw for himself what had occurred with his young love. It took a brief moment to pick out the order and precise parts of the memories, but within a minute I reeled off the events of Bella, Charlie, and the fire to the North as concisely as possible. Obviously, the rain would be a welcome aide to clearing up that particular crisis. If Edward could not see that, then there was more trouble afoot between us than I would have liked to admit.

At last, Edward said, "I see." In a lone sigh of surrender, he cleared all of my fears. Much was to be said between us, but at least he was still willing to give in to an extent.

"You'd think these two would have learned how much we hate that." Jasper's sudden input would have made me chuckle any other time, but the sight of Emmett's unappreciative face drowned out all potential amusement.

He merely grunted, "Hmph." That was all the reaction he ever had as of late and it troubled me so greatly I could hardly stand to let it pass untested once more, but I knew all too well how little my curly-haired son would appreciate interference on my part.

"I am sorry." It took much of my energy to turn away from Emmett's dejected features and force a small smile at Jasper for his attempt. Yet my eyes traveled back an instant later; I really could not help it. "I can explain, if you wish. I simply felt it might be better to reassure Edward quickly before he troubled himself overmuch."

' _I know how you worry for Bella_ ,' I thought for Edward's sake. Truly, it was his feelings that _I_ worried over. The youth was so prepared for immediate action upon the smallest things; my natural instinct was to prevent Edward hurting himself by overreaction. Edward's corresponding wince to this thought confused me. Not that he appeared angry with me, although one could never exactly tell at times…

"I should take Bella upstairs," said Edward shortly, abruptly, interrupting my musings. I did not resist as he reached for the girl and lifted her gently up into his arms, but the accompanying low murmur caught me entirely off guard. "Thank you for taking care of her."

He did not catch my eye, a sign of humility I was astounded to see. Of course, this was far less of a surprise than the words themselves. Edward did not often express such emotion over so simple a matter. Before I could wonder what had brought on the rare occurrence, my first son disappeared up to his room and out of range of my curiously scrutinizing gaze. Silence settled – absolute and unyielding in its potency – over the interior of our home.

In any other circumstance, Emmett would break the ice again with badly-delivered wisecracks and utterly tasteless trivia. A chuckling laugh would escape me, Esme's laughter would warm everyone's hearts, and the tinkle of Alice's chime-like giggles would create an atmosphere of buoyancy. Bella would blush, possibly even being the victim of a joke herself, and laugh a little at his silliness. Edward would groan and pound the keys of his piano in agitation, but secretly he would snicker with the seventeen-year-old spirit he will always have. Rose would roll her eyes and cross her arms in displeasure, yet in all actuality feel adoration for her childish husband, then threaten Edward with dismantlement of his Vanquish if he told anyone the truth of her thoughts. Jasper's talent would bring him all the humor of the family, rolled into one good-natured package, and dole it out widely as he grinned.

The depressing reality of our current state pressed in upon me heavily. Jasper's slight sigh, escaping for reasons unknown to me, was as far from the humor I envisioned as could be had. And then there were thoughts of the strangers in our midst, who had watched so carefully and then run away to their own destruction. Who was this vicious strategist, who so skillfully arranged the unusual procession of spies upon us? How could I keep my family safe, if we had no inkling of the watcher's purposes or goals?

A cycle of endless debate followed in my mind, neither enlightening nor hope-inducing, until a feeling of peace began to ease each and every one of us. Glancing knowingly toward Jasper, I was able to return his wry smile genuinely for the first time that morning. Milder, less threatening questions about Edward's humility rose to take the place of my former worries over the intruders. Moments passed with the only sounds being five soft sets of breathing, a single calm heartbeat, and the occasional rustling of covers from upstairs. No amount of delving into what I knew of Edward's psyche gave me any more answers than I had before. Frustrated, but unwilling to dwell on it, I moved to detail the situation with Bella and Charlie for the less-than-intrigued Emmett and Jasper. Well, that was not precisely correct; they did display expressions of concern over Bella's reaction. Both of them cared about her, after all.

More silence intruded, this time vaguely more comfortable than the first. Predictably, my blocked thoughts wandered back to Edward and Bella and the madness we had induced the past several days; an ongoing series of dilemmas no one seemed able to agree upon.

The soul of Bella Swan was in question as far as Edward was concerned and I, in whom my son had confided these deeply-rooted fears, was suddenly willing to take it away from her. While it was plain neither Bella nor myself were in agreement with Edward on his view of our souls, he had still trusted me not to interfere with the fate of his only love. Bella, by contrast, felt nothing was as important as Edward and firmly believed her soul and his were not endangered by this transformation, but by the choices of an individual. She was so certain, so utterly convinced. To complicate matters, Bella's conviction in Edward's love for her was rooted in the change itself. If he was unwilling to change her, then he did not love her enough.

How was I to reconcile one choice with the other, one hope with the opposite hope?

By the time a car sounded on our drive some time later, I was so deep in my exacerbated ponderings that Emmett's sudden move to the front door startled me sharply into awareness. Jasper, too, twitched in surprise and sent a brief look over at his brother, who now stood outside to await the arrival of the other three ladies in our family. More to the point, he was waiting for his wife. Smiling pleasantly at Emmett's more viable enthusiasm, I rose from my seat on the sofa to await my own lovely wife.

No time at all, and yet far too long a time, passed before a warm voice caught my ears and a beautiful, familiar scent invaded my senses. Alice came through the doorway first, grinning happily at Jasper and dragging him up and outside to help carry in more of the shopping bags.

Esme's form was gentle, even sharpened by the alterations of her vampire body, and the sight of her when she walked through the front door next flooded me with a calm that Jasper could scarcely make me feel on his best day. A smile automatically overtook my face as Esme – elegantly serene in a dark sage dress bedecked with ivory designs – came into my open arms as though we'd been apart for years and not hours.

"I missed you," I whispered helplessly into her mane of rich caramel, burying my nose in the waves of hair with tender care.

"It's only been a few hours," she teased softly in my ear, and I knew as she spoke she would be crinkling her nose affectionately, "but I missed you, too."

"What a coincidence," I laughed very quietly, savoring the moment of tranquility, arms wrapped tightly about her back and my chin resting down on her left shoulder. At times like that, with her smaller arms around my waist, she always seemed so tiny.

The bubble we floated in nearly received a rude puncture in the form of Rosalie clearing her throat overly loudly, as I could tell from the inhale of breath she suddenly took. Over Esme's head, I espied my blonde daughter's sour expression with resignation, and Emmett's return to saturnine moodiness with mild alarm. One would think the return of his beloved would improve Emmett's mood.

Before Rosalie's interruption could occur, Edward took the matter completely out of her hands, to the surprise of all. "Carlisle, would you come sit with Bella, please?"

Equally startled, Esme and I pulled apart with only a smidgen of reluctance, my hands coming up to rest on her slender shoulders. It was then, looking directly into her face at a close angle, that I realized something was wrong.

"A moment, Edward," I muttered to him absentmindedly, frowning kindly down at Esme's suddenly-cautious face; the shrewd downturn of her brows, a nearly-imperceptible spasm in her jaw, and her eyes… those big, wondrous eyes were tight with stress. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Esme denied it with a casual shrug of her delicate shoulders. The gesture was too casual. She was lying; and she was lying very plainly. What about, I could not fathom. Worry for her struck me hard. Why was she unwilling to tell me?

"There _is_ something," I persisted very softly, reaching up to brush my knuckles tenderly along her soft cheek. Did she not trust me, for some reason? Had I done something offensive without realizing it? "I… I hope you—"

"Carlisle." Edward's voice was closer now and more insistent. Esme took the chance to look away towards this new distraction, but if I was not much mistaken, there was even more tension in her eyes than a moment earlier. Doing my utmost to allow her privacy of a sort, I dropped my hands from her shoulders and turned disappointedly to find Edward on the stairs, staring directly at Esme with a hostile expression.

"Edward!" I reproached him, feeling as stunned as Esme looked. My hand unconsciously slipped back onto my wife's shoulder.

"Carlisle, sit with Bella," he pushed with almost ferocious intensity, pulling his eyes away from Esme long enough to focus on me. "I'm not going to do anything to hurt my mother. I swear it. Just, please, trust me for a moment?"

Glancing off to the side at the rest of my family, of whom four were as shocked as I was, it was hard not to feel apprehensive. Alice, though… she did look relatively relaxed. Unhappy and a bit irritated, but completely easy in her manner. Looking back at Edward, his eyes imploring, I knew I should trust him. I frowned unhappily all the same. "Very well."

Esme passed an uncomfortable, but resigned look my way as I let go of her and stepped across to the stairs, and I finally accepted I had made the right choice. She seemed to know exactly what Edward was planning. Confusion still reigned in my head, but I sped up to my son's room and quickly took a seat beside Bella. Her young face was smooth, peaceful, and I smiled in spite of myself, resting a hand atop her mussed head; she deserved this uninterrupted rest.

Fierce whispers reached my ears from the main floor – for a while the indiscernible hissing was all I could hear. Then the front door opened and closed, and the M3 came to life again out in the garage. The click of high heels became audible, but barely, in Emmett's and Rosalie's room a couple of minutes after and then hurried packing commenced. These sounds were familiar to me; the two must have decided to leave for the rest of the day.

Hissing in that same room – furious and undecipherable – brought me up short. A slight ringing edge to the hissing voice helped me to identify Alice as the source. After a few moments of this, Rosalie hissed back at her sister, twinges of a snarl deepening the sound. It continued this way for several minutes, steadily turning nastier, and no one could doubt that whatever they were saying, it was not friendly chatter.

I stood swiftly and would have intervened at that point, had Bella not stirred fitfully from her sleep, thrashing out a bit and mumbling something incoherent. Slipping back to her side, I ran my fingers continuously over her dark hair, eventually soothing whatever upset had disturbed her rest. With a deep sigh, I sat back down next to her, facing the door, and reluctantly allowed Alice and Rosalie to settle the matter under their own steam. The muffled tirade did subside after a time, and while Rosalie slipped downstairs and outside to Emmett, Alice came up to the third floor. Her lithe steps led her into the open doorway and it was very easy to tell how upset she was as Emmett and Rosalie sped off into the dark.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked lowly, glancing at Bella to ensure she slept soundly still.

"Rosalie is just…" she began to say in the same hiss she employed against the vampire in question, paused to think, then wrinkled her nose unpleasantly. Apparently there was not an appropriate word she could think of with which to describe her sister.

"As terrible as all that?" I teased with a hint of a smile, choosing the low road until Alice felt less inclined to hissing her words.

"Well, you know what I mean, anyway," Alice sighed, coming to my side and sliding up behind me. Her tiny chin rested suddenly on my shoulder, overlooking her friend. For a long while, we both sat in comfortable silence, until Alice stiffened. Turning marginally, I found her eyes unfocused, face blank, breathing stopped. A vision, then. Although hopefully a pleasant one.

"Oh," her surprised voice popped up soon after, bringing my gaze back to her perky features. "That's nice."

"Hmm?" I questioned with mild interest. My hope for a pleasant vision seemed to be coming true.

"School's going to be called off for the next couple days," Alice announced, sounding marginally happier. "Flooding and electrical problems. Bella can sleep in now."

"That's very good." I smiled, pleased that at least the young woman would catch up on her rest.

"Did Bella wake up earlier?" Alice asked, quite at random, setting her chin back atop my shoulder.

"You don't know already?" Teasing as I was, it was with more than a little surprise that I noticed, from the corner of my eye, the vicious scowl that overtook my daughter's face.

"I'm sorry," I quickly apologized, frowning at yet another sign of my family's unhappiness. "I didn't mean to ridicule."

"Oh, it's not you," she mumbled, slapping my arm irritably. I would be lying if I said it did not sting a little bit. "Everything's not always your fault, you know."

"When my daughter scowls immediately upon my making a comment, I am inclined to think said comment was the trouble," I snapped uncharacteristically, more exasperated than usual. So much was being kept from me lately, it was hard to tell what anyone actually thought anymore.

"Well—" Alice spoke abruptly, almost rudely, then stopped just as suddenly, her chin slipping off my shoulder. Another vision, and a long one – Alice remained unfocused for enough time that I turned away again – overtook her. She would come around.

So she did, evidenced by the return of her breathing, but she remained silent and still. When I could no longer stand the awkward silence, I turned around on the spot to face her completely. An emotion I could not recognize filled her eyes, one that had never before been directed at me by my excitable daughter.

"Alice?" I asked uncomfortably, raising a brow in question. Rarely did Alice, of all my children, hold back what she wished to say; perhaps only because she knew precisely what she should and should not say based on her extra sight, but I could not be certain of that.

"Nevermind," she spoke quietly, almost regretfully, mouth pinched with tension.

"Have I lost that much with all of you?" I asked in a sudden splash of anguish which I could not hold back. One of the most challenging fears of my existence sprung up, unwelcome but irrepressible. "Do you mistrust me?"

"I _trust_ you," Alice assured me furiously, though sympathy filled her eyes and she reached over to take my hands firmly in her own. "We all do. After Edward leaving, the three of us going to Italy, and all the other troubles we've had lately… It's just going to take time to sort out everyone's problems. Be patient a little while longer and everything will make sense; everything will work out. I promise."

"Forgive me," I immediately responded with embarrassment, gently tugging my hands from her smaller fingers and turning to face Bella's sleeping form once more. "A foolish thing to say, was it not? I don't know where it came from."

In light of my daughter's honesty, the seeming irrationality of my queries forced a flood of shame through me. Yet I could not look her in the eye as I pretended to throw out my own lingering insecurity. Too much truth had rung in my voice when the doubts escaped my lips.

Vaguely, I heard the rumble of the jeep firing up out in the garage.

" _I_ know," came the agonized whisper from Alice and a moment before she disappeared, my smallest child laid the lightest of touches to my head.

Shadows of Alice's touch lingered on my bowed head and her simple reply echoed in my ears long after she had gone – not only from the room, but off in the jeep with whom I presumed was Jasper. My eyes strayed to Bella's peaceful face, my fingers to her long dark locks, and there they remained until the barest of light shone through the vast windows, drably illuminating my seated position at Bella's side and a gray-tinged skyline that would provide plenty more rain before the day even began. Leaving the sphere of my many contemplations – frustrated by the continued silence of my family and wishing already for the answers Alice claimed I would eventually come to know – was far simpler than I had imagined it might be. Reality came quietly into the room, in the form of my bronze-haired son.

"Edward," I greeted aloud with the softest of voices, though I did not turn to face him, nor did I remove my hand from Bella's hair.

"Did she wake at all?" he murmured equally as soft, and I could sense his eyes, screening his young love's face carefully while stepping up to my left.

"No. She barely stirred in all this time." Since the brief movement during Alice's and Rosalie's argument much earlier that morning, Bella had not moved again, save the easy inhale and exhale of her lungs. "Alice told you about school?"

"Yes," he agreed. There was a pause, filled with nerve-wracking discomfiture, until at last Edward settled on further conversation. His tone left much hanging in the air between us, much that had gone unsaid yet was expressed somehow in his vague inquiry, "Have you sat here the whole time?"

"Of course," I answered in some bewilderment. Was that not what he asked of me? I could not have misheard, could I? "Just as you asked."

' _Was that not what you wished_?' I could not help asking in my mind. Still, I did not turn to him.

Lest my imagination played tricks on me, it seemed his hand strayed to rest upon my shoulder, but the weight merely hovered in the air for several pregnant moments and then it was gone before ever having fallen. The knowledge somehow made me feel even more downhearted that I already did.

"I—" Edward began to say, and then stopped as bluntly as the drop from a cliff-side.

"Yes?" I prompted patiently after a beat, eyes purposely trained on the sleeping girl and not upon my son. His face, his expression, his stance… all of it would likely force me to confess the lonely, dejected things I had been considering during my stint at Bella's side. That was not something I could do yet.

"I didn't mean that you—" He changed tack so abruptly that I was momentarily blindsided, "You could have laid next to her."

This odd statement was blurted out a little louder than required for my hearing to catch. In a way, it came off as a reprimand or a reproach, but at the same time not so. From what I knew of my first son, it was more like he was giving me permission. Permission for what, I could not tell.

"I did not think of it," I confessed.

"Oh," he conceded simply, sounding as embarrassed as I was confused.

Matters between us had indeed become awkward. Before the dramatic tensions that were unearthed the past week, the two of us would not have really withheld our thoughts from one another like this. We often talked, of everything and nothing. Edward had long been my companion in this way and I had never imagined years or difficulties could ever change it. Now, I could not bring that certainty to the forefront of my mind. Despair gripped me tightly in its bonds, and this time I admitted to myself it would not be so easy to dispel. In that moment, I was glad to be blocking Edward's ability.

"I shall go now, if you are up here to stay," I decided to say, the accent of my youth creeping in as the rain pattered anew upon the windows. Perhaps 'pattered' was a bit too mild a term to describe the weather, actually; more like a downpour of intense ferocity.

"I'm here to stay," Edward agreed slowly, subtle undertones to his words that I did not quite understand at first, "but you… you don't have to rush off…"

Finally, the prior 'permission' made sense. Inviting me to lie beside Bella, even to perhaps hold her comfortingly as I had done only a few times before, was a means of making me feel I was welcome in Edward's presence, in his room, in his life. That was his ultimate meaning; he did not wish me to feel brushed off. And I did not want anyone, least of all Edward, to feel obligated to coddle me. That was another reason I was happy to be hiding my thoughts form him. Surely he would feel doubly obligated if he had been listening to my mind up until then.

"I'll be heading to the hospital in little more than an hour, anyway," I hedged. It was true enough, despite my rare lack of energy for the work I so often found peace in. Seeing my son was about to call me out, I went on to softly say, "Might I ask what you spoke with Esme about?"

"It's all been settled," Edward said cautiously. "We've agreed to disagree on the matter."

A few beats passed in awkward silence. Neither of us had moved an inch from our places since Edward had entered the room. And now both of us realized we were intentionally evading each other, unwilling to expose our secrets at the present time. To hopefully avoid any more discomfort, I changed topics even more quietly than before, "Did Rosalie or Alice give any indication of where they were going? I have unfortunately not been paying much attention to everyone's goings-on the past few hours. You know how I can be when I am lost in thought."

In an instant, Edward was sitting on the other side of Bella, looking me full in the face even as I avoided his gaze.

"I _do_ know. An earthquake would fail to shake you when you're off in your own head," he remarked wryly. For a precious few seconds we were the same as ever and nothing had dampened our bond. I allowed myself to look at Edward directly and so many emotions gathered in his topaz eyes I could not even name them all. The precious seconds were quickly lost between us.

"Rosalie didn't think of anything definite," he went on as though nothing had happened. "So I guess they'll just drive until they find a place she wants to stay tonight. Of course, Alice might know where they'll end up, but she's blocking me very extensively, so I wouldn't know. And Alice didn't say anything specific of where _she_ planned to go, either."

"Is Esme outside?" I asked curiously. Now that the thought entered my mind, I was surprised that she had not come up to me after Edward finished speaking with her.

"Ah… she and Alice are still looking for a bed. For my room, for Bella, you know," Edward dodged. Rather unsubtly, too. But it was also divulged so _reluctantly_. As if Esme and Alice looking through catalogues directly correlated to Esme being outside. I knew I was missing some vital clue, but it stubbornly eluded me.

"Yes, I knew that. What of it?"

Again, Edward looked very uncomfortable and reluctant. After a deep breath he did not need, he answered. "Esme left with the others a little while ago."

Nature itself seemed to fall silent in the stillness that encompassed me at this news. Within a minute of my shock abating, however, a tumultuous outpouring of thunder and wind and rain began to pour again from the heavens outside. After barely greeting each other for five minutes, Esme already headed out again? Did she wish to be away from me? Was I too forceful in my questioning earlier?

Questions, endless questions, traveled at high velocity through my mind until I felt pure mental exhaustion creeping in.

"Oh," was all I could say. No words were available to me that described the sick sort of feeling in my stomach.

"She… she just…" Edward feebly attempted to explain in some way, but I held up a hand to forestall his defense and he fell instantaneously silent. Esme could do as she wished; I did not hold it against her if she felt more comfortable spending time elsewhere. Wildly, I tried to imagine a reason for her distance that did not include my own foolish failures to be a good husband for her, but none came to mind I could safely digest.

Ringing from elsewhere in the house interrupted the difficult moment like a wayward canon. Edward and I shared a brief, indecipherable look, before I rushed out of the room and followed the ringing into my office. The familiar number made everything clear and also made me happy Edward stayed up in his room with Bella. Taking extra care to keep my mind completely blocked, I answered very quietly, with no hint of my continuing upset showing through in my voice, "Yes?"

"You're getting the day off work," Alice answered me just as quietly, without preamble. "Charlie is calling the hospital in a few minutes to ensure you can be there for Bella today and tomorrow."

"Quick thinking," I praised the absent chief of police.

"Just head up to the hospital sometime this morning to collect some paperwork," Alice added, "Bailey will have a sheet for you to sign and then you're free. He's actually quite glad to give you even more time off, since it's Charlie asking. Bella's threats work pretty well."

She giggled over the line, amused by the sudden reverence Stephen Bailey felt for my health and sanity – ever since Bella's intervention, for which I was grateful and amused in equal measure.

"I shall be sure to do that," I responded simply, when an idea entered my mind. Edward had mentioned Esme and Alice were shopping for a bed. Esme must have left with Alice and our daughter could pass on a message. I was reluctant to suggest it, but if it helped? "Could you… tell Esme something for me? I just wanted apologize for… for earlier this morning. It was not my intention to bully her in any way. She is, of course, at perfect liberty to keep things to herself as she chooses. I only worried about her. She seemed very troubled, so naturally I was keen to help take a load off her shoulders."

There was pause over the line after the words escaped my mouth – so brief that it was almost nonexistent – then a tentative inhale, and it became plain that whatever Alice said, it would not be the truth. Not completely. "I'll tell her. I promise."

Alice was too bright, too reassuring, to be believed. "She's not with you, is she?" I whispered into the receiver, terrified to admit where I thought my wife really was. If Esme was where I believed her to be, then she was – as I had fearfully suspected – unable to trust me. The very idea made me feel ill, weak-kneed, and helpless. To compensate the unusual sensations, I sank with something like clumsiness into one of the chairs before my desk.

"Esme left with Emmett and Rosalie. She'll be meeting me at nine-twenty-three," Alice acknowledged miserably. Some distant part of me amused itself with her ability to be precise even when she felt terrible about the facts she was purporting.

"She's with Rosalie and Emmett," I stated, rather than asked, still barely whispering.

"Yes," was the timid, unhappy reply.

Immediately, I moved to change the subject to an easier, though useless, plane of conversation. "You will tell Esme what I said, will you not?" It simply hurt too much to consider the former topic. For I knew very well what it meant if Esme was spending time with Rosalie like this. Our long absence from Forks was branded into my mind for a number of reasons, but this was one of the most damaging. It became a symbol of the breaks both my family and my marriage had faced. None of which had ever healed properly.

"Carlisle." Alice sounded alarmed, and rightly so, but I could not bring myself to care at the moment.

"You will tell her?" I insisted in a hard, unyielding tone completely unlike me. This was too much to discuss rationally at present. "Like you promised you would do?"

"Yes, of course, Carlisle," Alice concurred exasperatedly, desperately clinging to some semblance of reason with which to calm me, "but you _know_ how it was at the time. She's not going to stay that way for—"

"Thank you, Alice." The abrupt dismissal was completely mechanical, a means to keep my emotions from falling apart as long as I could. "Goodbye."

"Bye, Carlisle," Alice sighed sadly and then the dial tone invaded my ears for so long I faintly imagined my phone had gone dead in the ensuing wait.

Frigid moments from our extended stay in Ithaca crept into my mind, unbidden. Edward would surely see them before I cordoned them off… I should not let him see them. I should _not_. Enough burdens were on his back and these memories did not need to be added to them. My tormented son had done what he believed to be right by leaving poor Bella. No matter what the rest of our family had gone through, the responsibility of ultimately uprooting all of us was mine and mine alone. The guilt lay at _my_ feet, for the repercussions we faced in Ithaca. Edward need not feel guilty over our challenging attempt at survival while living there.

Colossal effort was required to push away my reminiscence – positively gargantuan – but I fell back against the chair with a sigh of depressing satisfaction that I was able to withhold these unfortunate memories from my tortured son.

* * *

 


	4. Remonstration

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

> **Chapter 4: Remonstration**

Carlisle caught Esme's deception before I could even _hope_ to get him upstairs. Only the periphery of his thoughts rose to the surface for me to read, but this was enough to tell me anxiety had already latched onto Carlisle with long, sharp hooks. Even before Jasper clued me into the true depth of that anxiety, I knew it was present.

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked Esme.

' _Closed expression, furrowed brows, slight jaw spasm, tightly drawn eyes_...' the almost unconscious thoughts – rattled off exactly the same way he did during his patients' medical examinations – as Carlisle recognized the differences in Esme's features, was discomfiting. He knew his wife so well that even a startling distraction like the one I provided could not stop him from seeing the smallest of changes in her, all on an off glance at her response.

Esme, by contrast, felt too perturbed that her husband would find out the truth to bother noticing his intense scrutiny. A wide range of thoughts traveled at high speed through her mind, none of which made me any happier than before.

' _He doesn't need to know. He'll just be unhappy and upset. No reason to bother him about it all. I don't want him to panic_.'

As if he wasn't already panicking at her complete lack of honesty? I could have slapped my own forehead in exasperation, but the sound would have done little to lessen the new tension between my parents.

"Nothing," was Esme's simple, impossible answer. Her thoughts expounded in much more detail, _'Of course it's nothing. Nothing he needs to bother about anyway. Why can't he leave well enough alone?'_

I don't know Esme, I thought to myself with much-intended sarcasm, perhaps it's because he loves you? No, it couldn't possibly be that, could it?

' _She is lying_ ,' Carlisle admitted to himself absently, immediately growing disheartened before he spoke aloud, "There _is_ something."

In the midst of this inaudible battle of wills, Emmett couldn't help concernedly voicing (mentally, at least) a thought which was doubtless echoed silently and subconsciously between every one of Carlisle's and Esme's children. ' _Where did_ ** _this_** _come from?_ '

' _Does she not trust me, for some reason?_ ' Carlisle began to wonder painfully, unable to try and block this from me. ' _Have I done something offensive without realizing it?_ '

How quickly it began; the self-doubt, the ethical questions, the worry over possible offenses he had committed… Given enough doubt – which essentially meant a mere thimbleful – Carlisle would begin to question our willingness to stay with him, to trust him, to love him. It all boiled down to his fear of losing those he loved. Groaning faintly, I realized how easily this fear applied to his willingness to change Bella. Allowing Bella to remain human would strike not one, but _two_ blows against Carlisle. Losing Bella when she was… _gone_ … and losing me when I enabled myself to follow after Bella.

' _Can't_ ** _you_** _at least get a hold of yourself?_ ' Jasper reproached me mentally. ' _Everyone else is losing it_.'

My bulk of thought cost me only a second (Jasper's reprimand included), during which a very short thought weaseled its way into Esme's mind. ' _I can't believe it. He's pushing the envelope_.'

It was with a brief glance to the other half of my heart that I stood from the bed and made my way down to the foot of the stairs with all haste. I had to find out what was driving these inane thoughts into my mother's head.

' _Rose was right_.' This last thought from Esme stopped me dead in my tracks.

Every bit of fury I had felt upon first seeing my mother's and sisters' memories of the fire came back with a vengeance and it was impossible to erase it from my face even as I looked at Esme. Rosalie was never going to forget the tongue-lashing I would give her over this. Had she no idea what this was doing to Esme's mentality? Even if Rosalie cared nothing for Carlisle, which I knew – despite many misgivings over the years – was not _completely_ true (just mostly), then could she possibly give a moment's sensitivity to Esme?

' _Edward, what in the world is going on?_ ' Jasper questioned suddenly, strained from the emotional overload.

"I…" Carlisle had barely begun to speak the words which had just then flowed into his mind, when I knew I had to intervene. Those unspoken words would expose his panic attack too keenly to everyone. Rosalie, in particular. "I hope you—"

"Carlisle," I interrupted pointedly, ignoring my honey-blond brother momentarily and garnering an immediate look from my mother. Seeing his wife's continued reticence, Carlisle moved his hands from her shoulders and turned to face me as well. Shock increased Esme's tension as she took in my hostility with keener eyes.

"Edward!" exclaimed Carlisle as he saw my face also and his hand popped right back up to Esme's shoulder defensively. Even in my creator's plane of guilt, my anger still disturbed him; he could only guess it was directed at Esme, whom I turned towards. I did not deign it important to clear up his misconception. Not now.

"Carlisle, sit with Bella," I demanded rather than asked, forcing myself to look at him in the hopes of expressing the sincerity of my request. "I'm not going to do anything to hurt my mother. I swear it. Just, please, trust me for a moment?"

My brothers were just plain confused about this whole affair, neither of them able to determine what was happening here. At least Emmett would be told the truth tonight, I thought scathingly. Rosalie, looking surprised herself, had no trouble whatsoever in telling him about her stunt last night. Alice, of all the people in the room, was at ease; to a certain extent, anyhow. For some reason beyond my understanding, she was also looking exceedingly irritated. However, I wasted no time in guessing or attempting to probe her mind; Alice's mental block was still going strong.

Carlisle took a moment to examine the unfavorable faces of his other children, but a searching look at the aforementioned psychic vampire and another glance at my sincere face pushed him to agree with a frown, "Very well."

Judging by my mother's expression of resignation, which was obvious to Carlisle, she now knew very well what I was planning to discuss with her. She appeared uncomfortable, but a little too determined for my liking as our leader made his way upstairs to Bella. Certain he was settled beside my love, I stepped over to my mother and said in tones low and moderate, "Do you even understand what you're doing to him? The uncertainty you're making him feel now? He _knows_ you're hiding something. The best thing is to tell him the truth and I thought you knew that after all these years with him."

' ** _I'll_** _decide what's best_ —' Esme began to interrupt heatedly in her mind, but I cut her off instantly with further remonstration. Why now, of all times, did Esme's once stubborn sixteen-year-old self have to make itself known?

"Don't even go there," I grumbled deep in my throat, the vague growling sound drawing the unease of my siblings, who – even at this close distance – could not yet tell what I was saying to our mother. "You know how he worries and begins to panic. You know he begins to doubt himself and his place within our family when any of us intentionally lies to him, whether for good or bad. I don't understand how you can wish that on him, knowing him as you do. You also know how he blames himself for every little thing that goes wrong."

It was almost physically visible how well my words began to affect her. Esme always hated Carlisle to doubt himself. She loved him and believed in him. It was this very knowledge which infuriated me to no end when I saw how quickly Esme had turned to Rosalie's darkly-tinted lens of Carlisle's intentions during my absence. But then I scolded myself viciously. For if I had never left Bella or my family, none of this would have happened in the first place. How hypocritical of me to stand here blaming another when it was my own fault.

Rosalie had so stealthily approached Esme and I, that I had not noticed her immediate presence until she was right beside us and speaking her own thoughts into our mother's ear.

"You know he's wrong," she murmured rapidly and insistently. Now, I belatedly realized, was the moment in which Rosalie had gotten over her fault in calling me with the news of Bella's – I winced at the very idea – death.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alice also had come closer to us, as I learned by their reactions to this guiltless phrase escaping Rosalie's mouth. Emmett became even more depressed than he had looked the entire week and his thoughts so matched that they were not even worth repeating. Jasper and Alice both prepared themselves for a fight the three of us knew might occur, visions or no.

Grabbing Esme's upper arm in a twisted form of pleading, Rosalie went on to say, "I was there with you in Ithaca. I saw everything that happened. And where was Edward? Nowhere _near_ us! Carlisle isn't blaming himself for anything. Why would he be? He keeps secrets from you, too! Like he did in Ithaca! You have a right to a few of your own. And he only wants to know because he insists on knowing everything there is to know."

As the words dripped swifter and more heatedly from my so-called sister's mouth, immense hatred started to boil within me. Carlisle was so vastly different from her vitriolic description I could not begin to imagine where in the name of God she had gotten it from. Upon hindsight, I should have expected something like this when Alice's hiss echoed gingerly yet indignantly throughout the lower part of the house – just before Rosalie's abrupt intervention. But for all that I should have expected it, it still filled me with rage. Jasper was half ready to back out of this situation then, but his overwhelming need to protect Alice – whom he knew would stay – and keep his diverging family sane, held him in place. His face snapped back and forth between Rosalie and me like watching a slow game of ping-pong and I then understood (to my disgust) how much my incensed feelings must have been reflected in our sister. Deeper than this, though… in Jasper's eyes and in his mind, there was a slowly growing turbulence not related at all to the emotions from everyone else; it was an indescribably poignant feeling all his own and one Rosalie should not test much further.

I could see without a shadow of doubt that Rosalie's words – so strongly and determinedly uttered versus my murmurs of vague ethical persuasion – had shifted Esme's currently weak-minded viewpoint. My single moment of thought, that tiny millisecond of reflection, had cost me more than a little foothold with Esme; it had cost me the entire argument. Not that Esme instantaneously believed Rosalie's every spewing word. Yet it was enough of a drawback to keep her silent still, in regards to her secret.

"You're a sick kind of vulture, Rosalie, do you know that?" I hissed, uncaring anymore what I called her for her traitorous words or who heard them. Maybe Emmett loved her as much as I loved Bella and did not want her ridiculed, but I could not bend to his feelings in that moment. Carlisle's dignity was sorely at stake. "You don't just feed off of the dead and decaying, you go after the living and the sentient. Family be damned, you'll do whatever the hell you please! Why Emmett loves you, I'll never know!"

Rosalie hissed like an angry cat and her thoughts were three times as horrid.

' _Please, Edward_.' Esme stepped in with such a worried face that I knew better than to keep goading the glaring creature beside her, no matter how much I wanted to. "Don't Rose," she pleaded under her breath, not daring to place a hand on her enraged daughter.

Rosalie just shared a steady, antagonistic stare with me in reply.

"Let's go," Emmett (to our great surprise) stepped in with such a firm tone that he sounded exactly like Carlisle when we faced covens of strangers. At another time, the thought would have made me grin secretly. Esme looked pleased at Emmett's interference, rushed to grab keys and jackets for the three of them, and hurried outside to start the M3. Her thoughts were filled with a trip to somewhere – _anywhere_ – to keep her strange behavior away from Carlisle's intuitive gaze and to cool her daughter down.

A confrontation nearly took place anyhow just after she slid in the driver's seat; Rosalie was not willing to just give in so simply. Alice was at my side in a flash with a stony expression – Jasper quickly coming to _her_ side – and a sudden flood of her visions incoming like wildfire of the various outcomes we faced. If Emmett had not stepped forward to bodily constrain Rosalie, heaven only knew what could have happened. The practically incoherent thought process she had entered into gave me little insight to whatever fighting concoction she envisioned and even Alice's futures were too vague to tell, but to inflict pain of some sort on my person was indubitably the main ingredient.

Had it been anyone else, the blonde would have kicked and clawed and broken as much as she could in the first four seconds. With Emmett, she struggled mightily but silently up until the point where physical harm would have been required. Seeing more clearly and logically than a moment previous, she calmed herself with eerie speed and at Jasper's stiff nod, Emmett let her go. Without a word further, Rosalie rushed upstairs and it was easy to hear her rushed packing endeavor. Emmett sighed and planned to wait, but Alice had other ideas. Not that I knew of them. The moment Rosalie was calm, Alice's head was once more walled off from me; agitating, but at least easier to handle than Rosalie's horror-infested brain. Nevertheless, my tiny sister had seen something as soon as her mind was blocked again; it did not appear to be pleasant, either.

"Go out to the car, Emmett," Alice instructed him with a strange mixture of sternness and serene knowledge. "I want a short word with Rosalie."

Emmett looked ready to protest, sensing Alice's continuing ill-humor with his wife, but she gave him a look so reminiscent of Esme when he had broken some priceless artifact that he no longer felt inclined to argue. Instead, he sped to the car and joined Esme in waiting. Alice disappeared immediately after.

I didn't really want to know what my sisters were talking about. The heat was clearly up high between them. We could hear the suggestion of their furious hisses from all the way downstairs. Carlisle could also hear them, and in his disquiet, he nearly headed to the argumentative duo on the second floor. I was incredibly relieved when Bella stirred just enough to keep him up on third floor with her.

Just before heading up, Alice had given a look to Jasper – similar to the one she'd last given Emmett – in order to ensure he remained downstairs with me and did not interfere. He regretted it now, I could see as much in his tense face. Of course, keeping him from interfering did not limit me from eavesdropping; a fact which Jasper finally decided we should take advantage of. Until he suggested it, I had not planned to listen to the debate.

' _Could you look in on it_?' he at last inquired respectfully, but still in a way that brooked no argument. ' _Bella and Carlisle don't have a clue what's happening, you know_.'

Seeing it that way – as the two gentle, nonviolent people whom I wished to protect most being in potential danger of Rosalie's temper – I needed little motivation. I needed to see if it would get out of hand, didn't I? Alice could handle herself (and any situations involving Bella and our father) so easily that Rosalie was actually the one in danger, but I indulged mine and my brother's hopeless over-protection with great ease. My dark-haired sister was still bent on keeping me out of everything, even this conversation, and though it would be sheer torture to listen in on Rosalie's mind, I had no other options.

' _Stupid little know-it-all_ ,' Rosalie thought acidly. Had I not paid attention to the inclination of her thoughts towards Alice, I might have believed Rosalie was referring to me as she threw several pair of shoes in one of her smaller luggage cases. "I don't care what Carlisle does or thinks about it," she whispered aloud with equal acid.

It seemed Alice and Rosalie had already been chewing each other out for a number of minutes before I tuned in. The exchange already reached an angry point-of-no-return.

"Don't you care about _her_ at all?" Alice hissed with a tremendous effort at staying clear-minded from what small glimpses I could see of her face. Rosalie took no notice of this effort, but kept on packing with such single-minded focus I worried I would miss whatever Alice could say next.

"I care enough to tell her the truth," Rosalie returned mindlessly in a hiss of her own. The thought and the spoken word were like a mantra that she had repeated to herself one-too-many times.

"Oh, yes, the truth. As if you know anything about _truth_ ," was Alice's derisive retort, and the ringing in her continually-hissed words told me that her temper was down to rock bottom now. I wondered with a careful frown what I had missed in the earlier part of their argument. Something enormously uncalled for must have happened to cause such an outburst from my smaller sister, but whatever it was, Rosalie was not thinking about it. "You're so truthful that you attacked our _father_ for no apparent reason, with some of the most despicable lies I've ever heard you spew! Must be nice to care so little about anything but yourself, you conceited viper!"

Though I could not be sure, I imagined briefly that my jaw fell open and an annoyed Jasper resorted to smacking it back in place when I seemed incapable of doing so – or of doing anything except gawping, really. Never had I heard Alice say such a thing to Rosalie. Whatever the case, a jolting blow to my chin jarred me back to reality so abruptly that I missed the beginning of Rosalie's final response.

"—people who have no way of fighting his decisions," she was spitting out with barely-contained venom. "One of those people is your supposed best friend – who, by the way, you sent into shock and made cry by your galling attempts at pushing us together yesterday afternoon. Now Carlisle is going to steal her life before she's even _lived_ it! Edward knows it, that's why he's so furious with our precious father at present. I'll say what I please of Carlisle for that atrocity!"

Slamming the lid of her main luggage case and zipping it at lightning speed, Rosalie then ran down the stairs and outside to land in a rather undignified heap in the back seat of the M3, which Esme had already backed out of the garage to face the open drive. Esme and Emmett sat paralyzed in both thought and action for a long moment, until a barked command from Rosalie snapped the former into zipping away from our house and out of my range.

Alice, meanwhile (from what I could vaguely tell from two off-limits brain masses), sat with Carlisle in his watch over Bella. Nothing of their conversation could be gleaned through either head and I descended slowly back to the only mind I _could_ read.

' _Finished yet_?' Jasper asked sardonically, one eyebrow cocked in aggravation to match his stance: arms crossed on his chest and feet shoulder-width apart.

"Sorry," I muttered. "Just… the same old arguments. About Bella… and choice."

For the silent minute it took to churn that brief sentence around in his mind, Jasper stared at me all too shrewdly. ' _You're back to being angry with him._ '

It was a statement, not a question; one filled with so much of that same vexation he could barely formulate any further thoughts. By turning away, I essentially admitted to it, but how could I not feel that way? Rosalie, the same person I had just hated so vitally, reminded me all too clearly of the reason I was angry with my creator.

'Carlisle is going to steal her life before she's even _lived_ it!' Rosalie had hissed. The words rang through my mind with the subtlety of a police siren; my anger and confusion raged side by side, as they had since the vote on Bella's mortality. Sensing my change in temperament and very much disagreeing with it, Jasper refused to hold back his opinion any longer. Instead of sending me a thought, he gave voice to the frustrated and disappointed view he held of my behavior.

"I don't understand you," he said, deep voice rumbling with the low volume at which he spoke. Genuine incomprehension filled his tone. "You treat Carlisle like an irredeemable monster for the first ten or fifteen years, then a hero and a saint for around eighty years after that, then turn right around at the drop of a hat to believe he's the devil incarnate again. For you, either he's perfect or he's perfectly evil. But that's just not how people are, Edward, even the filthiest criminals. You've seen what they think and you know what I've felt them feel. There's good and bad in every one of us. For some, there's a lot more bad than good. For others, like Carlisle, there's a lot more good than bad."

"Are you certain exactly which one of those Carlisle is?" I snapped back peevishly and unnecessarily, only half believing the words I uttered as I scowled at my brother for calling me out this way. There was silence in the wake of my remark, Jasper not bothering to tone down my emotions. His own feelings were causing him enough of a challenge, anyway.

"After all this time," he finally spoke again, "you really don't know him at all, do you?"

Even had the question not been rhetorical, I could not have thought of a suitable answer to such a loaded question. Nor did I wish to, in my moment of childish temper. Jasper turned away from our staring match first – a disappointed look on his face – but offered one more statement.

"I know Alice is keeping a thing or two from me, the same as Esme is doing to Carlisle," he confessed under his breath. "Try and convince her I worry just as much as he does, will you?"

Before the thought crossed his mind, he headed out to start the jeep. I understood he wouldn't want to remain in my vicinity much longer to catch every wayward negative emotion I felt about my current predicament.

"Edward, just give Carlisle a chance," Alice's voice came softly from just a foot or two away a moment later and I twirled to find her gazing solemnly at me. Before I could offer any comeback, she was showing me the last leg of her conversation with Carlisle. As he questioned the family's trust in him and weakly pushed away his insecurity, I felt my defenses crumbling a little bit again. How many things I could see and experience before it crumbled completely, I did not know. My priorities swung back and forth on a rusty hinge every time I heard something from either side of my argument. Rosalie reawakened my anger over Bella's human life and soul being scourged, but Alice incited my pity for Carlisle's intensely compassionate nature.

"School's off today and tomorrow," Alice brought me out of contemplation abruptly. "The school's facing floods and electrical shortages thanks to this storm. It's not the only place, either. Luckily we won't have that problem at home. I don't think Bella would appreciate being carried around in the dark of the storm much."

"Not likely," I acknowledged tonelessly, then did what I could to aid my brother in his plight. "Jasper knows you're keeping something from him. If you don't tell him about the fire, you're as thoughtless as Esme is being at present."

"I'll think about it," she put forth, and from her inflection I knew that was as much as she was willing to take from me. Sighing deeply, I allowed Alice to slip up beside me and grab my hand to pull me companionably out to the garage.

"It's not all black and white, you know," Alice echoed her husband's earlier words, not unkindly I thought, as she slipped up into the passenger side of the jeep. Jasper and I both gave her a lift that she did not need, but she only rolled her eyes at us and closed the door.

"Somewhere along the way, there has to be a compromise, Edward," Jasper admonished me from the driver's seat while Alice rolled the window down, and his voice was just shy of being kind.

"I know," I sighed as deeply as Alice had, settling my arms on the window frame and resting my head on them momentarily. My voice was slightly muffled as I went on, "I'm trying to remember, honestly. I can't believe I reprimanded Esme for the very same indecisiveness I'm feeling now."

"Esme's situation is different from yours," Jasper told me quietly. When I looked up, he was wearing a heavy frown. "Besides, she's supposed to know Carlisle better than anyone, even you. Quite truthfully, Bella seems to be the only one who knows Carlisle at all right now. Esme's lack of understanding is really bothersome."

"You're telling me," I commented wryly. Decades of placating our mother's insecurities were under my belt already.

"Someone has to tell Carlisle…" Alice began uncomfortably, but trailed off in indecision.

The three of us looked at each other for a long moment, sharing highly uncomfortable expressions. Not one of us wanted to break this news to Carlisle right then, if at all, about Esme going off with Rosalie and Emmett. Somehow, though, I knew he would end up finding out somehow. If he was not told outright, he would eventually ask where his wife was. Alice biting her lip was enough of a confirmation to make me sigh.

"All right, I'll do it," I mumbled unhappily, thrusting my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "I don't like it, not at all, but I'll do it."

"Thanks, Edward," Alice sighed with relief and Jasper followed suit, relaxing the tense set of his shoulders. At least, he relaxed until Alice's eyes became unfocused. Then he stiffened with expectation. I joined him only because I could see nothing of the vision myself.

When she came back out of it, my sister looked pleased as pie. "Esme will meet me later to shop for a bed. Maybe then I can clear her up a little… And I have a surprise for you, Jazz."

"Surprise?" he wondered warily, leaning just slightly away from his wife's small smile, and I was forced to muffle half-hearted snickering in the face of his glare. The last time Alice had a 'surprise' for Jasper with that kind of smile on her face, his Civil War books had been hidden away in the attic for six days and his oldest pair of cowboy boots had gone missing in the forest for seven. His only consolation at the time was that Alice also hid my most valued compositions… under her cabinet of shoes, as I later found out. Suffice it to say, it was a very long week for my brother and me.

The rare spot of humor in this gloomy day brought a smile, small yet genuine, to my face.

"Yep," Alice confirmed with a little more gaiety, pausing to draw out the suspicion Jasper felt, until at last he scowled at her when her mischief made itself known to him. Giggling just slightly, she finally told him, "We're going to see Peter and Charlotte down in California today!"

Jasper blinked for all of a minute before I started snickering all over again, this time with much more gusto. It seemed he could not decide between frustration with Alice's mischief, irritation with my laughter, or happiness at seeing his friends. A small hand on his shoulder and an encouraging smile convinced him to go for the latter of the three options.

"Don't forget your compass," I couldn't help remarking. Emmett had told him something similar when Alice – after much whining and pleading on her husband's part – shoved him outside to find the footwear on his own. Smirking at Jasper's annoyance over this reference to his long and trying hunt for those blasted boots, I removed myself from the door of the jeep with some measure of cheerfulness.

"Just shut up," he snarled at me before he swung the jeep out and drove off. From his mind (ignoring the rude gestures he imagined giving me), I watched Alice giggling still as her husband turned onto the highway.

When I returned inside, I made sure no sound alerted Carlisle of my reentry. He appeared quite calm, seeing as his mind was quite silent, and I decided to keep it that way for a while. I needed time to think and this was the best time to do it. Everyone was gone, the only mind around me was still and quiet, and Bella was asleep. I loved Bella more than life itself, but she was so set on what she believed in that it was hard to accept less than that while in her company. In the stillness, I could merely let my mind wander a while and come to my own rational conclusions.

Carlisle was truly a unique being; whether it was among vampires, men, or wolves. In everything he did, he attempted his very best. Usually – almost exclusively, in fact – he came away successful. Such was his character that nothing less could be considered acceptable. Never did he hold such high expectations of others, though. Carlisle allowed everyone to follow their own pace. No matter how detrimental it was to him or his medical practice or his own interests, he did not rush others to succeed as he did. If they did so, Carlisle felt great pleasure for their achievements, but if they did not, he encouraged them to keep trying and not to lose heart.

So often throughout my existence at his side, Carlisle had done these very things for me. As angry as I could become at him, he could match it with reassurance and calmness that (even now) I marveled at. Frequently over the years, I wished for the same level of patient encouragement, but it had never set in. I could watch Carlisle employ it in any number of situations, see his every thought with my ability and sense his every feeling with Jasper's, yet not once had I ever been able to imitate it. The probability was long-since extinguished.

Carlisle was many things to me; he always filled numerous roles and none of them halfway. He could be my sparring partner or my hunting companion, my reluctant musical pupil or my scientific rival. He was my creator, father, friend, brother, teacher, mentor, healer, leader… even my theologian, though we had often disagreed heavily over our interpretations of the Bible and disagreed even more viciously over God's plans (or lack thereof) for the race of vampires. But even at the moment when I disagreed most heartily, I still looked to Carlisle's faith and philosophy for inspiration and guidance.

At the pinnacle of my disagreement with him over Bella, the point at which I might have shunned him and broken him, Carlisle sat and awaited my rash verdict with bowed head and dejected posture. Bella had stayed by his side, impressing upon me not only how fragile her human body was, but how vulnerable my father could be. Seeing that same vulnerability in many of his dealings with each member of our family this week, I could not hold onto my anger.

Rosalie had only briefly rekindled the fire in my mind with her blunt tongue. In her unorthodox and painful way, my vain sister had proved one thing. Carlisle was not perfect.

Her words still stung like acid when I thought of them, of course, but I understood it better now. She did not hate Carlisle, no matter what she told everyone. Nor did she really distrust him or even dislike him. What she truly hated was that some of us – Esme and I, especially, from what I could determine – thought he could do no wrong. In saying the things she had, Rosalie had been attempting to make us see Carlisle was just as liable to make a mistake as the rest of us. The one major error in Rosalie's argument was she did not understand how much of a choice Bella was really being given or how much our father was doing to ensure Bella's choice was not the wrong one for her.

Carlisle loved Bella, too. He loved her as he would his own flesh-and-blood daughter and I hated it. Carlisle behaving so carefully and so cautiously was the biggest point against my pride at present. I hated to admit to it. But it was necessary to remain sane and not hurt everyone in the family even more than I already had done. More than anything, it was essential if I were to make Bella happy.

When morning finally illuminated the interior of our home, my marble skin and the granite countertops in the kitchen both sparkled faintly from the gray light splashed dimly across the hardwood floors, making them gleam feebly. Gazing out into slate skies and waving trees, I concluded my ruminations with tranquil grace and rose to join my father upstairs.

My bedroom was hardly lit at all by the dreary morning. The barest of glittering graced my father's skin and made his form the most easily visible of anything in the room. Nimble fingers threaded through Bella's messy locks over and over again, while Carlisle's eyes concentrated wholly on the serene face of my beloved. He didn't turn to face me even when he recognized my presence and his hand remained entwined in Bella's dark hair.

In a very quiet voice he merely said, "Edward."

"Did she wake at all?" I murmured equally as soft – looking over Bella's beautiful features for any sign she was not completely enveloped in comfortable sleep – and stepped up to Carlisle's left side.

"No. She barely stirred in all this time," he answered, still keeping his face trained upon Bella as she slept on obliviously. This behavior was rather odd (for Carlisle, anyway) and it occurred to me his ability to keep me at bay might be near to faltering for some reason. It had happened once before; Carlisle ignored or avoided me to an extent for almost three weeks in 1931, shortly after I'd come home to him and Esme. I'd believed he was angry with me and at first accepted it as his method of handling my comeback without resorting to terse words. Esme, however, had pointed out how strange he was acting. Difficult as it had been to finally hoist the truth from him, he had eventually disclosed that looking into my eyes or my face would have coerced him to let out all the fears he had been keeping locked away after my return. Fears I still was not privy to, I might add.

"Alice told you about school?" This question brought me out of my musings with a strong reminder of the memory Alice showed me before leaving. Carlisle's doubts were always a challenge to dispel and this particular one – that we all mistrusted him – would be ten times as hard to work through. Mainly because certain members of our family were currently keeping big secrets from him.

"Yes," I agreed simply. In the tense, uncomfortable pause that ensued, a few questions passed in and out of my head, each slightly more difficult to answer than the last. The easiest to answer was my query as to whether or not I could even hope to _guess_ at what had been running through my father's mind since Alice had left him sitting up here all on his own. It seemed unlikely I would (in any way) make a decent hypothesis, for the reason that Carlisle's thoughts were incredibly complex to decipher – because of his particular native dialect (namely seventeenth-century English), random slips into a vast variety of languages, and the mere structure of his mental processes. The hardest question to answer, by contrast, was what precise reason Carlisle had for avoiding me this time. I immediately eliminated his original reasoning; it was unlikely Carlisle was hiding his fears from me because he had already allowed me to see most of them in the intervening years since my so-called rebellion. There was the possibility, of course, that Carlisle wished to hide from me whatever stories he had told Bella. Not likely, though. Another potential was that he worried I had sided with Esme in supposedly distrusting him, but considering I was here now and talking civilly to him, that also seemed unlikely.

Then again, often in the past I had behaved civilly towards Carlisle while still being angry. Maybe it was not as far off as I … no. No, that couldn't be. Could it? It did make some sense… The more I thought of it, the clearer it became.

Perhaps my father's inability to look at me was explained by a fear of rejection? _That_ seemed entirely plausible. So plausible, in fact, that I asked what would appear to be a very off-subject inquiry, "Have you sat here the whole time?"

"Of course," Carlisle answered, confusion in his voice. "Just as you asked."

' _Was that not what you wished_?' he asked nervously in his thoughts.

Pity held my exasperation in check. While the surface of such a question might give the appearance of stupidity (for, if I did not wish that, then obviously I would not have asked), beneath the exterior I detected the looming feeling of dejection, waiting only for my negative reply to set it in motion. My hand strayed to rest upon his shoulder with some measure of that inner sense of pity I felt, but I merely let it hover in the air for a number of expectant moments and then took it away before ever letting it fall. Maybe it was just me, but in the wake of letting my hand drop, it was like the lowest of lows had just inhabited the air around us.

"I—" My next attempt at a response stopped as though by a fallen hammer.

After a beat – his eyes still focused on Bella – Carlisle encouraged me with great patience, "Yes?"

"I didn't mean that you—" I changed tack louder than necessary, with exceeding roughness so as to mask the emotion that almost stole my voice the first time. "You could have laid next to her."

Now that I had said it at all, I knew the strange wording would not express my wish for him to know how much I _did_ trust him. I trusted him to sit with Bella and watch over her when she was vulnerable, trusted him to take care of her when I was unable to do so, and trusted him to help her when she was hurting.

"I did not think of it," Carlisle answered with comparative ease.

"Oh," I conceded simply, embarrassed he still did not quite realize my meaning and falling silent when appropriate words did not come to mind.

"I shall go now, if you are up here to stay," Carlisle ended up saying while the rain began to fall once more with fervor. If he consciously recognized his use of 'shall' or the English accent that crept into his voice, then he made no mention of it.

"I'm here to stay," I agreed slowly, suggesting subtly that he need not leave, still hinting that I trusted him and cared about him even when I was upset with his choices, "but you… you don't have to rush off…"

"I'll be heading to the hospital in little more than an hour, anyway," he warily avoided a direct answer. I would have called him on the fact his hour was empty of anything to do, but he cut me off with a gentle reply, "Might I ask what you spoke with Esme about?"

"It's all been settled," I said carefully, not wanting to go into the matter just yet. My father's reaction would be all too easy to predict and nothing good would come of it. "We've agreed to disagree on the matter."

The silence grew in tension following my obvious evasion. We both sat, in our same positions as when I came up, and plainly ignored the secrecy the two of us were engaging in.

Somehow, Carlisle's voice went to an even lower volume than before as he initiated a change of subject. "Did Rosalie or Alice give any indication of where they were going? I have unfortunately not been paying much attention to everyone's goings-on the past few hours. You know how I can be when I am lost in thought."

This was a topic I did not want to discuss so soon. Moving to sit across from Carlisle, staring directly at his averted face so as to gauge his mood, I desperately tried to think of a way to explain without giving away what Esme had chosen to do. Perhaps I could detour the subject by rambling about the plans of my brothers and sisters without mentioning Esme. Or even about Carlisle's 'daydreaming' tendencies…

"I _do_ know. An earthquake would fail to shake you when you're off in your own head," I admitted with dry humor.

Carlisle looked at me directly of a sudden, expression wistful and reminiscent, and so much became clear from looking into his dark eyes that I felt innumerable emotions tugging at me from all directions.

"Rosalie didn't think of anything definite," I then went on with this honest fact, putting all my efforts into behaving as though nothing changed in the previous moment. "So I guess they'll just drive until they find a place she wants to stay tonight. Of course, Alice might know where they'll end up, but she's blocking me very extensively, so I wouldn't know. And Alice didn't say anything specific of where _she_ planned to go, either."

Not entirely true. Alice had mentioned California and I guessed they would go there for part of the day. But that wasn't really the point. I was only going for distraction.

Then Carlisle asked curiously, "Is Esme outside?"

Damn it all.

"Ah… she and Alice are still looking for a bed. For my room, for Bella, you know," I dodged reluctantly and with absolutely no subtlety. Not good. Not at all.

"Yes, I knew that. What of it?"

Every muscle in my body vehemently protested this query by stiffening with tension, but I had no choice. Carlisle was asking directly. After a deep breath I did not need, I gave the one answer no one would have wanted to offer up. "Esme left with the others a little while ago."

Indefinite quiet filled the bedroom for a long moment. A person could have set off explosives of the most volatile nature and yet Carlisle would have been none the wiser. As if to make up for this strange atmosphere, the storm outside started to rage with blatant aplomb, contrasting violently with Carlisle's robotic reply.

"Oh."

That was all. Was he confused? Maybe. Incomprehensive? Certainly. But there was no wonderment of why this was so, no questions about the reasoning behind it, no indignant reaction about it at all. Just _oh_.

I wanted to make it sound better than it did or feel less acutely traumatic. I wanted it to come off as 'just one of those things' that happen and don't mean much of anything. "She… she just…"

For all the words I knew, all the rules of language that were embedded in my brain, all the greetings cards I'd seen in my long existence, and all the books I had read and analyzed… there was nothing I could think of to say. Carlisle held up a hand anyway, ending my fruitless attempts at consolation, and we fell again into silence. The ring of a phone shortly thereafter was such a necessary distraction to me that I conveyed absolutely nothing in response to my father's empty expression. I allowed Carlisle to go and answer the call alone, without any sort of fuss. Nothing of the call was audible to my ears or to my mind. Carlisle had kept both down admirably well. But I had a feeling all the same it was Alice calling. No one else seemed as though they would bother presently.

Minutes later, flashes of my family in various discomfiting situations suddenly came into my head, but highly sporadic and disconnected. Almost as abruptly, the flashes stopped. Unpleasantly shocked by the snippets of arguments, insults, and other disturbingly unfriendly circumstances between my family members, I temporarily pushed them out of my mind. But as uncomfortable as those brief pieces of memory were it was nothing compared to the thought that Carlisle had only released these bits of what – as I now realized – was his own personal hell, because of the call he had just answered.

* * *

 


	5. Direction

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

> **Chapter 5: Direction**

In utter silence (and stillness, from what I could sense), Carlisle sat in his office and I in my room. Bella remained under the spell of deep sleep while I dragged my fingers lazily through her unkempt hair, her pulse and her easy breathing sending peace through me again, though to be truthful it was only a half-hearted peacefulness. Flashes of my family in Ithaca kept replaying themselves over and over in my mind. Carlisle truly must have been desperate to keep these sights from me, if they passed in and out of his thoughts so strangely, and I could easily guess why. My father knew, even if I had never said it, how guilty I felt about causing Bella and the family pain during my absence.

To say Carlisle was working hard to suppress those memories, was to state a very severe understatement. It somewhat infuriated me, the overprotective nature of his suppression and the fact he did not seem to feel I was capable of handling what he remembered, but it would have been very hypocritical of me to call him out on it. Even now, was it not _my_ overprotective secrecy that infuriated _Bella_? Needless to say, it would be a big mistake to debate the point with Carlisle unless I wished to make Bella upset. And I had the feeling she would find out no matter how secret I tried to keep that sort of confrontation.

I was bothered, nevertheless, that my father shielded me so extensively. Restriction was not a matter I had ever taken lightly, even during my human years. After almost ninety years as a vampire, I still held one particularly powerful memory of my human parents that exemplified my aversion to such secrecy.

Edward Masen Senior, as I vaguely remembered, was not a man prone to overemotional reactions. Yet it was with some trepidation I had watched, from the doorway of his study, as he held an intense conversation with my mother, Elizabeth. There was no wild gesticulation or anything of the kind, but it was plain from the fierce look in his eyes that my human father had a matter on his mind which he was not soon to give up on. Both parents felt disturbed enough about the subject to hold a secret conference together. From what I still retained of my human youth, there had never been a topic my parents ever felt I could not handle hearing about over breakfast or supper. The idea they were purposely hiding it from me drove me to distraction. Only later, after a detestable outburst on my part, did I realize they had been discussing my wish to join the army, an action which both Edward Senior and Elizabeth feared with all their hearts. Oh, the arguments we had over that brief time of secrecy! Eventually any further talk of the incident was forbidden and in a teenage fit of temper, the injustice of it all rankled badly.

Trapped in some vestiges of that teenage period of life, I felt the injustice rankle all over again. The main difference between that time and now was that I had much more experience with Carlisle's reasoning behind it. Not that it made it feel much better, but it was somehow helpful in keeping my anger reigned in to a more manageable level.

Exhaling a heavy breath, I sat up beside Bella in restless agitation, only to realize with a rare start that Carlisle waited silently just outside the doorway. Slowly he stepped inside and when I glanced at his face, his eyes were painful to look into.

"Are you well?" I asked, feeling idiotic since I could easily see he was precisely the opposite of well, but it mattered little because he wouldn't be honest anyhow.

"Fine," he reassured me steadily, but I could only compare it to the same kind of 'fine' Bella always gave me even when she felt her worst. "I am heading out for a moment. Just a short hunt nearby. My eyes... They are a bit… off-putting, shall I say?"

Strange as this admission of sorts sounded to me – given that we were to hunt together in less than two days – I could say no words to hold him back. "All right, then. Be wary of the Quileutes, will you?"

The dogs' wishes to potentially destroy my father the previous weekend sent a chill down my spine as they came to mind. Bella's choice that night, to wrap herself around Carlisle as a safeguard, was as much appreciated as it was wrath-inducing. Regardless of my fear for her safety, that action truly had kept my father from being torn apart.

"I will be," he agreed with a small, insincere smile and a single nod. Standing awkwardly for another minute and throwing an odd glance towards Bella, Carlisle then turned and left without a word.

Every moment following his departure, anxiety kept my stomach in knots. Everything about Carlisle's behavior made me think he could not find joy in anything; he was almost totally lifeless. That wretched phone call continued to give me an awful, ominous feeling. Forcing calmness with unnatural difficulty, I sprung up from the bed to grab the first book my hand came into contact with. It just happened to be 'The Great Gatsby.' Snorting in a most undignified way that I had randomly found one of my favorites, I flipped it open and made myself read slower than normal. It was fascinating the things one gleaned when reading at an agonizingly slow pace, but ultimately I just wanted to waste time until Carlisle came back. He had me quite worried at present.

My accursed vampire mind was too spacious to be distracted by reading alone, however, and so simultaneously I began to read about Gatsby and plan something to do for Bella. There was precious little I had done for her since returning, aside from stay with her and tell her how much I love her. Important as such things were, I felt the need to go above the bar, as it were.

By the time the first chapter had been burned into my retinas, I had absolutely no plans in place for Bella and my worry for Carlisle had doubled. Frustrated, I nearly decided to call Alice and ask her opinion. I was startled by my cell phone vibrating on the side table and I rushed to pick it up. Please, let nothing be wrong, I thought to myself.

"There's nothing wrong, Edward," Alice cut me off instantaneously before I could even speak, wringing a sudden and genuine chuckle out of me. My sister never was one for beating around the bush. Unless it suited her purpose, of course.

"Okay, I get the point," I assured her, still chuckling.

Huffing audibly, she picked up the conversation only to take it in a different direction. "I wanted to let you know that you can ask Carlisle for help. He'll suggest something for Bella. You'll like it, I'm sure."

"If you know that, how can you not know what he'll say?" I questioned, amusement clear in my tone. The nuances of Alice's visions still didn't make sense to me at times, despite the fact I saw them as she did.

"Because I only saw that you'll be speaking with him at some point soon," Alice sniffed condescendingly into the receiver. "You plainly lack the subtlety to handle the craft of foresight."

Chortling childishly, I retorted, "Is there a chance you're related to Lord Elrond?"

A brief pause ensued, allowing for my laughter to subside slightly, before Alice tartly replied, "Oh, shut up, Edward."

"Your wisdom astounds me," was my dry response.

"Considering your lack of intelligence lately regarding certain topics, I wouldn't be surprised if it did!" she snapped abruptly, startling me entirely.

"What's the matter with _you_?" I questioned with a mild frown. Unless she had seen something unfortunate to add onto our already rocky family situation, I had no idea why my sister was behaving this way towards me so suddenly. Agitated was one thing, but completely snappish?

"Esme isn't going to listen to me when we speak later today." Alice ground her teeth as she said it, but I could easily understand why.

"Perfect," I spat out with renewed irritation. The rest of the day was not going to be a very good one, I could see that much. Rosalie, much as I could now understand her reasoning, was not helping our family to heal in any way. She was truly making it disturbing to handle. "And I had to tell Carlisle that Esme was gone."

" _You_ didn't have to tell him that Esme was with _Rosalie_ ," Alice explained bitterly over the line; I could imagine the grimace that crossed her face.

"Oh!" My eyes went as wide as one of the CDs on my shelves. Well, this bit of information explained quite a lot. As had become custom of late, none of it was good. My fears of the day's likely outcome were confirmed.

"Yes," she sighed, and I understood that tone of voice to mean she had seen Carlisle's corresponding face in her visions.

"Argh," I groaned deeply, closing my eyes with the hope of warding off the memory by sheer force of will. "That's great. That's just excellent."

"I don't know what we're going to _do_ , Edward," Alice sighed wearily. "Rosalie is so hardened right now and Esme is just too insecure to listen to us. Emmett won't do anything to stop Rosalie. Jasper would rather jump into an inferno than discuss things with Bella about her birthday. Carlisle is slowly losing every ounce of confidence thanks to everyone's negative emotions being heaped on top of him. And Bella thinks I hate her."

The last was tacked on very sadly, and I recognized how much my sister regretted the way her plans were affecting my beloved. Even when I had little to no inkling as to what her plans were, I could realize this much.

"You could tell her what your plans are," I suggested with equal parts steel and sympathy. Alice meant well, but sometimes she needed to be pushed in a better, more humane direction when dealing with her 'plans.'

"That would mess it all up!" Alice snapped again, clearly 'losing it' almost as much as she thought Carlisle was. "Rosalie isn't so stupid as to fall for Bella's bad acting!"

It was suddenly all too easy to see what she was trying to do. Even if she was keeping her thoughts hidden from me, I knew my sister very well. That single phrase cleared it all up in an instant.

"I know you're trying to push Rosalie and Bella to have a cordial relationship," I informed her with a frustrated sigh. "Just tell me what happened yesterday that made Bella so upset about you."

"Sometimes I can really see what Emmett means," came Alice's quietly mumbled retort, to which I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. I decided it was better if I didn't tell her what Rosalie had called her. Getting even at the present moment wouldn't solve anything.

The whole story of the truck windows, Alice's call to Carlisle, her detour out of town at lunch, the incident at the Swan home, and Bella's ignored calls came out rapidly after that. The fact Alice had left Bella to fend for herself with Rosalie for a whole afternoon spoke volumes, in and of itself, but add to that the temper with which the tiny psychic responded to Bella just before leaving… Well, to say it was obvious would be an understatement of vast proportions.

In her efforts to aid the improvement of Bella's relations with our family, Alice was deteriorating her own relationship with Bella. That plainly could not continue to happen, else my love would be extremely upset and hurt. Not to mention Alice couldn't stand it any better.

"You have to stop this," I said finally, luckily not having decided on it until the last minute. My tone was soft, kind so as not to offend her. She was still my sister and was attempting to help, after all. "As soon as possible."

"Bella can't do it all on her own," she answered determinedly and I almost chuckled at the staunch reply. Alice certainly loved Bella. She had always known that, even if I was too pig-headed to accept it at first. And even though Bella did not realize it, in Alice's eyes Bella was now the sister she had lost in her human life. The one she had never gotten to know. Something about Cynthia had called to Alice; there was an emotional connection there she had been unaware of, until finding out about her family. Not the same as if she had remembered her sister first-hand, but important nonetheless.

"She doesn't understand what your doing, Alice," I tried again. Although I knew the easiest way to get through to my sister was not the path I was taking, it was fairer this way.

"But it's the only thing that might work," came the shaky reply, much too softly.

Oh no. Alice was crying. Regardless she had no tears to actually fall from her eyes, Jasper was going to _destroy_ me.

"If Jasper knows I made you cry, no one will ever find the pieces of me," I groaned low, swiping a weary hand over my face. To my relief, Alice did giggle a bit tremulously.

"It's okay. I'll save you," she finally responded with more surety. I was quite relieved to find her teary voice was gone.

"Thanks," I chuckled.

"He might tear _me_ to pieces, if I don't tell him about the fire," she confessed in a tone full of embarrassment. "Just to get rid of all the conflict I've been feeling."

"Much as I doubt Jasper would ever touch you like that, I think you should tell him the truth."

"Well, I will..." Alice hedged quite plainly, sending my eyes rolling.

"Oh yes, of course, how stupid of me!" I slapped my forehead in mock exasperation, "You mean you'll tell him when the next decade is over!"

"When I see a good outcome!" she countered hotly.

"The more you wait, the worse he's going to feel," was my reprimand. "You know what he's guessing? He thinks you're going to pull another stunt like coming after me in Italy. He believes you're going to do some crazy thing where he can't help you or keep you safe!"

Silence eroded the tense minutes until a stunned confession escaped Alice, "I... I didn't realize. He never said, never hinted... I thought he was just annoyed with me, but..."

"Definitely not," I affirmed stiffly. "You have to tell him."

At last she told me, "I'll tell him tomorrow." And I could tell from the firm manner she spoke that it was best to drop the subject now.

"So, am I allowed to tell Bella of your unusual activities last night?"

"Oh, fine," Alice grumbled, "Just don't go blab about my planning."

"Fine," I agreed with a frown. "But if you hold out on your friendship with Bella much longer, I _will_ tell her. I won't have her hurting that way for the next month, Alice."

"All right," she growled into the phone. "And tell her school won't be back in until Monday at the earliest, the storm could last most of the weekend, and if it rains on Sunday, then we probably will have school off into next week to fix everything. If you can remember that much?"

"I can manage," I shot back, not bothering to give credence to her insult. Alice was stressed and when she was stressed, she became sharp-tongued. I didn't let it get to me. "By the way, why aren't you meeting Peter and Charlotte?"

"I declined because Jazz became irritated over my secrecy," she sighed heavily, dropping her sarcasm quickly. "And I also wanted to talk with Esme, not that it will do any good."

"Unfortunately," I sighed just as heavily, wishing I could find a sure way of fixing our family's troubles. Alice changed the subject rapidly after that, going into more detail of the school's circumstances due to the storm and reassuring me that Bella would be fine and remain perfectly asleep until I finished whatever task Carlisle thought up for me to do for her.

"Oh, Bella will wake up at ten o'clock sharp," Alice assured me. "You'll have plenty of time. Now we'd better go. Carlisle will be back in three minutes."

"Good," I grumbled rather petulantly. "He's driven me up a wall, especially this morning."

"Maybe if you showed him more patience," she hinted with steel lacing her words. "And remember he loves Bella, too."

"Yes, I _know_ , Alice," I said through gritted teeth. I had begun to see where I needed to change and how much I had underestimated Carlisle's thoughtfulness. Why did she have to keep rubbing it in? And what did Carlisle loving Bella like a daughter have to do with my patience?

"Prove it," was her challenge, but I could say nothing in reply before she hung up.

Left with her taunt ringing in my ears along with the dial tone, I finally shut the phone and set it on the bedside table. Lucky I did, too, because Carlisle entered the house not a moment later.

The back doors of the house closed and Carlisle made his way into his office, almost soundlessly. If I had not been paying such close attention, he may have gone totally unnoticed until much later. When it seemed he had everything settled, I rose with a quick look at Bella to make certain she stayed sleeping and then headed down to Carlisle's office.

In spite of my mannerly upbringing, I did not knock before entering. Carlisle's mind was still quite silent and I secretly hoped startling him would give me a brief glimpse. Granted, my true reason for talking to him was not so juvenile, but it seemed as good a time as any to attempt such a move.

Before I even came through the doorway, worry returned to me with a deep vengeance. Carlisle sat in the chair behind his desk, staring at the windows, but it was plain he saw nothing but whatever ran through his mind. More troublesome than this was the state of his appearance. Dirt and blood from the hunt stained his shirt in a number of places, and various torn pieces of greenery clung to his hair. My father never, in all the time I had known him, looked like this after hunting except when playing around with his family.

Of all the things that unsettled me, however, his eyes were the worst. They were coal black. From the minute flush of his skin, he had clearly fed, yet none of it actually revitalized him. This fact only confirmed my earlier suspicions of his emotional condition, guilting me even further into a dark corner.

"Carlisle," I spoke quietly and while he jumped suddenly at my voice, he did not lose the block on his thoughts.

Blinking as though we were strangers, he prompted, "Yes, Edward?"

Something in my father's voice was also very off-putting, rather perturbing in fact. Of course, I had imagined him to be... well, _disquieted._ After how Esme acted, what I told him, and then Alice's admission, it was nothing less than what I expected. But really, this outright blankness was practically devastating to hear.

"Is there anything you need?" I asked out of subconscious concern, knowing he would reject the idea. Why I even asked was a matter of confusion, frankly.

"Why should I need anything?" came the strangely emotionless answer.

"No reason," I lied. At least this time my lie was perfected. "You seem highly distracted. I just wondered."

"Oh..." he trailed off, and it appeared as though he lacked for words entirely. After a long pause where he stared at me without seeing, he continued, "No, I need nothing. Is there something you wanted?"

"A bit of advice, perhaps," I conceded with an internal wince at his lackluster tone, outwardly acting unbothered. The more Carlisle worried about any of us, the worse he would feel and the worse his condition would become. Although honestly, how it could get any worse was a bit beyond me. All the same, I didn't want to risk it.

"Advice?" he echoed, like it was something he'd never heard of before. Somehow, he managed to make me feel even worse about the situation with that inflection alone.

"Yes," I replied slowly, doing my best to take Alice's advice about patience.

"For what?" Carlisle asked, still empty of expression. Not even a speck of curiosity could be detected.

"I want to do something for Bella," I admitted freely, shrugging slightly. "Something she would appreciate. I haven't done much like that for her since..."

The unspoken insinuation of my leaving back in September hung darkly in the atmosphere between us and I knew better than to finish the sentence, no matter that Carlisle already understood what I meant to say.

"Well, I think she needs something special," I hastily carried on, praying he would let it pass without a sudden crumbling. "Bella deserves... a sort of reminder that I'll take care of her and that she's important."

Carlisle's face lit up all of a sudden at this explanation, wrong-footing me momentarily. Staring rudely at his brightened features like they would disappear at any moment, I realized the idea of helping Bella appealed greatly to him. The reason was unclear, but I had few doubts it was related to his guilt over what had happened to her in mine and my family's absence. It was a wonder Bella had escaped his clutches of dramatic generosity since our return. Briefly I wondered if he had already bought her some things and I simply had not paid attention, but that was not the important thing at the moment. And now I understood why Alice said what she did.

"That is a very good idea," Carlisle agreed and I was pleased at the new life in his eyes. "Do you have any inkling what precisely you wish to do?"

"No, none," I confessed with a shake of my head. "I seem to be coming up blank."

The use of the word with which I had been describing Carlisle sent an uncomfortable feeling through me, but thankfully he noticed nothing as he responded, "Well, you know she is not fond of you spending a great deal of money on her..."

"Yes, I'm well aware," I agreed dryly, rolling my eyes lightly. Bella's abhorrence to me spending money on her was positively ridiculous... and downright agitating.

"At any rate," Carlisle went on, features thoughtful, tapping a finger against his mouth. By the expression on his face, he was running ideas through his head as top speed. Some silent moments later, he looked to have stumbled onto an epiphany.

"Why not make breakfast for her?"

I stared once again, wondering how in the world he came up with that one, and said very flatly, "I can't cook... at all."

"Have you never watched Es– your mother?" His slip was all too obvious, joined as it was by a tiny flinch.

"No, I'm usually sitting with Bella whenever... Esme is cooking." I inserted my mother's name as a small test, and was utterly disappointed to see Carlisle's wince was definitely caused by the use of it. Things were indeed out of sorts if he couldn't even say his wife's name without such a reaction. It took a lot of concentration not to react visibly to that idea.

"Unless you have a chef crash course somewhere in those bookshelves," I gestured vaguely to the books lining his office, partly sarcastic and partly serious; cooking for Bella did sound like a wonderful thing to do, a way to take part in her human needs, "then I believe this is out of the question."

In the blink of an eye, Carlisle's face became completely impassive, even cautious. Whatever his next thought was, it looked to be an uncomfortable one. Whether for him or for me, it was impossible to determine.

"I... _could_ show you how." Uncharacteristic fidgeting overcame him after this pronouncement and I could absolutely understand why.

"You... you cook?" I queried incredulously, eyes wider than normal. This was not a revelation I was prepared for. "Since when? And why?"

"Only because of Bella," he murmured very low, just above being inaudible.

"Right," I replied mechanically, requiring a forceful shake of my head to dispel the surprise somewhat. Was this what Alice had seen? "So... you can show me?"

"Certainly," Carlisle concurred with confidence, "You should pick it up rather quickly, actually. Seeing as it's for Bella."

My mouth twitched at the unintended compliment, but I tamped it down easily enough. "I guess we should get started, then. But… uh… Carlisle?"

"Yes?" Carlisle wondered, pausing in the midst of rising.

"You may want to clean up first," I suggested delicately, diligently ignoring my father's blanched expression.

Swiftly heading downstairs, I waited until Carlisle joined me some minutes later, fresh and clean in a new set of clothes. The two of us said nothing else until Carlisle had set out all of the kitchen tools (items I had never expected him to understand so thoroughly) and started to explain the complexities of cooking. It felt rather like a true classroom now, being taught without seeing his thoughts of the procedures beforehand, and I had to admit I was enjoying myself more than I thought I would. Carlisle had always been an excellent teacher, no matter what he instructed me in.

While learning all about cereal, yogurt, juice, milk, jams, jellies, ketchup, and maple syrup, as well as nutritional facts and requirements, I wondered why I had never seemed to learn anything about it in the many medical courses I had taken. It would have been a vast help when meeting Bella.

"What have you been doing, Carlisle? Moonlighting as a dietitian?" I remarked, just loud enough that my father caught the gist of it. He chuckled and merely continued in his explanations.

By the end of it, I was beginning to feel as though a human's digestive system was much too complicated to be going on with. Then, to my astonishment, Carlisle took out eggs, bacon, and toast to add to it all. Upon noticing the astonished look on my face at the amount of foods, Carlisle had to stifle a slight snort of amusement with a false cough that I saw through instantly.

"Shut up," I muttered with a roll of my eyes, although not feeling genuinely irritated. It was good to see life on his features after how he had looked earlier.

Toast was simple, as I found out only after burning the first piece, and bacon was not as difficult as I thought it would be. We then set to work on cracking eggs, a process in which I was very confused and felt exceptionally slow, not a combination I have ever worked very well with. Such a seemingly simple task had taken on a life all its own.

"Swing your wrist very _gently_ when you break the shell," Carlisle instructed calmly, demonstrating a far softer motion than I had been achieving. It had to be something about working as a surgeon that made this so easy for him. Nimble fingers were his whole profession, after all.

Carlisle's patient voice and the thought of Bella's breakfast being ruined were the only things that kept me from smashing the carton of innocuous looking eggs where it sat. That is, if I didn't break all of them from my wrist movements... I was still far from mastering the technique when I finally cracked one without shattering it. Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood by the time I actually cooked any of the blasted things. Scrambled was my first attempt, since I had heard Bella mention them before. Carlisle would have gone onto fried and maybe even an omelet, but a glance at the clock proved I didn't have any more time. Bella would wake in twenty-five minutes and her actual breakfast was not even made yet.

In a way, I felt bad for her, since she would be waking up to a fierce storm and not a drop of sun. But I was glad to have some time with her that did not involve sneaking through her bedroom window and hiding every time Charlie came by, which was ironically quite often now that Bella was partly grounded (from me, anyway).

"She'll wake soon," I murmured.

Carlisle nodded once and when I threw away my inedible attempts, he started to set out all the things I successfully worked with and cleared other trash away. It could have been done in seconds, but for reasons unknown to me, my father went slower than strictly necessary. I watched curiously from four feet behind him, struck by his very human appearance. Frowning deeply, I could see why the first of our destroyed visitors was willing to come so close to the house. Carlisle looked totally unintimidating this way. From what I could tell, he must have looked similarly the previous night.

Granted, I knew he could fight if he needed to and would have defended Bella well. Nevertheless, I hated imagining what might have happened to him if he was forced to fight. Seeing as Carlisle's destruction would leave Bella defenseless, he would doubtless battle more desperately than the stranger could have bet on and thus, destruction was not a very likely possibility. But definitely a lot of pain. Thinking on Jasper's past and applying such injuries to Carlisle, I shuddered.

A thought I had not even considered prior to that moment flew through my head. It was terrifying, more frightening than a great many vague solutions we had considered. Yet, if some speculation was given to it, the idea had merit. Too much merit, in fact.

What if the spy was watching _Carlisle_? He had been alone for a number of hours, completely uninterrupted by anyone; no one in our family, nor Bella or anyone else, had been present in the house to know any better. Everyone was gone.

And who was to say the vampires had not passed on important knowledge about Carlisle before they were destroyed? Maybe it wasn't a tangible artifact they were supposed to pick up, but a particular bit of information? Jasper seemed so sure of the former, but I was not. It was too close, too much of a possibility.

Carlisle turned abruptly to face me with his mouth open as if to speak, but at the horrified look on my face, which I was unable to subdue in time, he turned positively ashen. I had never realized it was possible for us to turn that color until just then.

"What is it?" he questioned fervently.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him of my conclusions. "It's nothing. Just... overreacting. I'm sure I am. Don't worry."

The fact I admitted to overreacting seemed to have increased his fears, something I was incapable of blaming him for and for which I cursed my stupidity. Rare were the times I confessed such a weakness.

"Carlisle, please, it's nothing to be troubled over," I insisted determinedly, finally able to insinuate some confidence into my voice. "I jumped to conclusions about our visitors last night. I'm sure you can understand why. Worrying about the person behind it repeating their actions, with only the two of us and Bella here..."

Amazingly, this appeased Carlisle so much that his skin quickly regained a more normal pallor. Relief swept through me that he believed my lie.

"I do wish you could warn me _before_ you get such a look on your face," he chuckled uncomfortably.

"I'll try to remember that the next time I panic unnecessarily," I joked back weakly, raising a half smile that was more of a grimace.

"I should go up to the hospital," he sighed, "To retrieve my paperwork."

"Yes, I suppose so," I concluded, ill-at-ease with the idea of him going alone now that my new fears had taken hold.

"You feel that is safe, then?"

Had I not kept a hold of myself, I might have jumped at the similarity to my thought process. One would think _he_ was the mind-reader at times. Obviously he did not mean the same thing I did, but Carlisle stumbled upon relative trains of thought rather more often than I knew what to do with.

Despite my misgivings, I conceded, "Of course."

"Then I shall return in a short while."

The word 'shall' would have brought a chuckle out of me at any other time. Taking my nod as a farewell, Carlisle was soon out in the garage starting the Mercedes and rapidly backing out of the drive. The rain had become thicker than ever and even with my impeccable eyesight, I could not see him as far as usual. Discomfited, but knowing my worry would do nothing, I turned away from the window.

Remembering my plans for Bella's breakfast, I hurried to create the meal I had planned out with Carlisle. Barely had I cracked those infernal eggs, the last of my preparations, when I recognized Bella's steady breathing and heart rate jump-started by a particularly vicious patch of thunder. Aside from the toast and scrambling the eggs, I was fortunately done. With one last moment to set out the dishes I had finished, I hurried back up to Bella so she would not be alone.

Already sitting up in bed, Bella looked so adorably confused that I had to smile.

"Good Morning," I greeted her gently. She was startled, bless her, and I couldn't seem to quit smiling as I settled beside her in one quick moment. Reminiscent of so many other times, Bella stopped breathing as she looked me in the eyes, sending a surge of great affection through me as I tucked tendrils of her beautiful hair behind her ears.

"Breathe, Bella," I instructed her, still with lips upturned, but turning my eyes away so that her lungs could function.

"Morning," she mumbled, warming my heart with her sweet little smile as I glanced back. All I could do was grin, particularly when Bella panicked about the time of day. In non-threatening situations, my beloved's slightly hysterical moments were often the most adorable things I had ever seen.

"It's ten o'clock!" she shouted and practically jumped from the bed.

Quickly I held her to my side, explaining, "School was cancelled."

Clearly she didn't believe me at first, so I moved us to sit up against the headboard and went on to give her more details. "Some of the buildings were flooded after last night's storm and the electricity is out all over the campus."

"Wow," she said simply, trailing into thoughtful silence for a minute before she excitedly exclaimed, "Hey! What happened with the fire in Beaver? Do you know how Charlie is?"

"Charlie is fine." I made sure to be as soothing as possible, giving Bella an understanding smile. "The fire didn't last as long as they thought it would; they had… unofficial help, you could say."

Relief warred with sarcasm, as I was certainly glad for the fire being extinguished, but hated that my mother and sisters went out in a wildfire without us knowing. And the result of their secrecy was just as frustrating.

"Was it the rain that helped?" Asked Bella, obviously wary of my wording.

"The rain doused the last of it, certainly." At this, I found myself fidgeting. Surely Bella would figure it out.

"You don't mean the rain, do you?" Bella nodded knowingly. As I suspected, she was really too perceptive for her own good.

Recognizing a losing battle, I sighed and answered plainly, "No, I don't."

"Well?" With a single brow raised in expectation, Bella once again had me hook, line, and sinker.

"Esme, Alice, and Rosalie were not out shopping last night."

It took only a short time for Bella to make the connection, and when she did I was pleased to see she agreed with my view of things.

"Oh, no," she gasped. "What was she _thinking_?" The implied 'she' most likely being Alice, I guessed. Much as I hated to have Bella's face hidden for any stretch of time, she covered her face with her hands in a long-suffering way I absolutely agreed with.

"Well, to tell you the truth, they didn't plan it at first," I rushed out, hoping to infuse some defense of my mother and sisters. "Esme had been planning to go shopping for a bed, so you wouldn't have to keep using a borrowed one. But Alice saw that another fire would start near Quilcene; one the people there would be unable to stop. The entire Olympic Forest could have caught fire. Clearly, that is a thing to avoid. She just used Esme's shopping excuse, exaggerated it to a full-scale ladies night, and they went to head off the fire. Successfully, too, I might add."

That seemed an adequate way of describing everything, but Bella, of course, asked the one question I was hoping she wouldn't.

"Do the others know?"

It was going to be an exceedingly long day.

* * *

 


	6. Emotion

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit off of _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment, etc.

A/N:I don’t see this as changing Stephenie Meyer’s canon storyline really, so I wouldn’t call it AU, per se. The events might conflict with a fewminorplot details from SM’s universe. Characters may be a touch OOC at times.

> **Chapter 6: Emotion**

How could my beloved family, loved and nurtured over almost a century, turn into a misshapen disaster in only one week? Into a wreckage of such disproportionate means? But I knew the answer without even allowing the thought to process in my mind. It could happen the same way one _moment_ had wrecked this family for six months and continued to wreak havoc on it even unto the present time.

My office, which had so often been the sanctuary I turned to in times of strife and when in need of solitary contemplation, now echoed the empty yet dramatically stifling emotions coursing through my heart and mind. No amount of paperwork or literary consumption could possibly end the awfully unbalanced path my life and family was shaping into. I needed an out; a temporary distraction to perhaps straighten out my thought process. A hunt could never go amiss, I decided. And if needs persisted, I could run further than our typical routes and let my thoughts run free without worrying about Edward overhearing.

Standing with the silence of one without a real purpose, I instinctively headed up to Edward's room. He held Bella closely, as the dear girl had fallen asleep again. Staring for an extensive moment at my son and his beloved, I wondered where that dedication had gone missing in my own marriage. Where had I neglected Esme so deeply that she would feel incapable of confiding something in me?

Edward suddenly sat up, raking a hand through his unruly hair. The gesture of pure frustration echoed my lack of insight and reminded me all too keenly of the inadequacy I felt deep inside myself of late.

Still lost in my unhappy wonderings, I nearly didn't notice when Edward glanced back enough to recognize my presence. Tamping down the instinct to jump, I slowly stepped into the room.

"Are you well?" he asked concernedly.

Dim though the darker side of humor had always been in my disposition, Edward's question jolted a deep, untapped sense of morbid amusement. No, I could not honestly say I was well. But that was not something I would ever let show when he was already so troubled.

"Fine," I lied blankly, lacking the energy to put any true conviction into my tone. Something halfway convincing needed to be said, however. Edward would wonder if I gave him no reason for the choice to go for a hunt so abruptly, particularly as our own hunt loomed on the horizon.

"I am heading out for a moment. Just a short hunt nearby. My eyes... They are a bit… off-putting, shall I say?"

Reluctant though he sounded to accept so feeble of an excuse, Edward let it go. "All right, then. Be wary of the Quileutes, will you?"

Seeing my son shiver, I was reminded of the pack's anger at my supposed injustice. Yes, I would be very careful now. No matter how uncomfortable my life became, I could not throw caution to the wind and run pell-mell wherever I pleased. There was still a need to protect my family, even if they were upset with me.

"I will be." Forcing some awkward semblance of a smile on my face, I nodded once in agreement. It was kind of Edward to show his concern after the mistakes I had made lately. Of course, considering Bella's intense involvement on my behalf that night, I could understand why his concerns would be so prevalent. Looking at the young lady in question, I could barely withhold a glance full of gratitude, sadness, and some apprehension. What troubles might she face for her big hearted actions?

Keeping tight reign over my thoughts, I exited the room without responding further to Edward. Too many challenging concepts swirled through my mind to let it loose now. Every time we had spoken from Saturday until the present time, Bella had shown me nothing but kindness and understanding. And what had it led to? Arguing with Edward, battling Rosalie's hatred, buffering the strife between each of my family members… That was not the kind of relationship I wanted dear Bella to have with any of us.

The dilemma would not leave me alone, no matter where I ran or how fast I moved or what scenery I forced myself to look at. Even when, at the end of my tether, I began to drain a small doe – the first creature to cross my path since I had actually decided to feed – I could not suppress the ongoing fuss in my mind. Concluding that my attempts were in vain, I downed two more deer before reluctantly heading home at last.

As stealthily as I could manage, I opened the back doors, slipped inside the house on soft feet, and glided up to my office to think. Hopefully Edward would not be paying any attention, especially when my thoughts turned again to the depressing distance between my wife and I.

I loved Esme so dearly that I could hardly imagine doing anything to drive her away in this manner. Hard as I tried to think of a reason, my conclusions were empty ponderings with no meaning. Why? The question went round and round in my head, constantly beating my brain into submission. Had I been so harsh a husband as to lose her faith and trust when I needed it most?

_Why, Esme?_

So painful was this train of thought that my face contorted with the feelings it invoked. I wanted to stop, but I didn't know quite how to do so in any effective, normal way. The simplest way to stop was to empty my mind; to become blank and disallow emotion to twist my features. It was not _normal_ , by any means, but it worked.

"Carlisle," came Edward's quiet voice, startling me by his sudden appearance. As it turned out, _I_ was the one not paying any attention.

Surprising though his entry was, I kept my features schooled into a carefully neutral expression based in the emptiness of my mind, praying my safeguard was effective. "Yes, Edward?"

"Is there anything you need?" A strange question, really. It did not seem to coincide with the current situation.

"Why should I need anything?" I asked, still blanketing my every emotion with emptiness.

"No reason," he shrugged slightly. "You seem highly distracted. I just wondered."

"Oh..." Again, this did not coincide with anything. Edward had never inquired in such a way during my other times of distraction. As a matter of fact, more often than not Edward left me well enough alone when I felt distracted. Much of the time that was the best way to handle it. Oh… No, I could not let myself feel curiosity. Even a mild curiosity could bring my whole façade crumbling down on my head and leave me contorting with feelings again. It took a long moment to bring myself under control once more. Finally reaching a sufficiently blank plane again, I continued, "No, I need nothing. Is there something you wanted?"

"A bit of advice, perhaps," was Edward's reply, almost bored it seemed.

"Advice?" I wondered aloud. Internally, I could hardly imagine what advice Edward would want on a random day of the year when there was no school, Bella was fast asleep, and the rest of the family was out of the house.

"Yes." He drew out the word as if I was a rather slow child, but I did not let it bother me. I could not allow emotion through, after all.

"For what?" was my simple prompt.

"I want to do something for Bella," he answered, almost flippantly shrugging off the magnitude of his suggestion. "Something she would appreciate. I haven't done much like that for her since..."

Without the tight control I had over my features and thoughts, I might have given away more information than I ever wanted to about our family's time in Ithaca. About our time without Edward and Bella… Yet I remained neutral, empty.

"Well, I think she needs something special," Edward hurried onward, obviously hoping to redirect both of our minds. "Bella deserves... a sort of reminder I'll take care of her and she's important."

Oh! Well, this I could work with. If emptiness was not a viable recourse for burying my painful feelings, then focusing on happy emotions certainly could be. I had found over the years that keeping the best memories at the forefront of my mind was an excellent method of banishing my loneliness somewhat. Thinking of helping Bella in such a sincere, heartfelt way buoyed my spirit. Besides, maybe this was a way in which I could make up for the unfortunate path her relations with my family had taken.

"That is a very good idea," I concurred much more brightly. "Do you have any inkling what precisely you wish to do?"

"No, none," Edward admitted, shaking his head. "I seem to be coming up blank."

It amused me that, as charming as my son could be with most ladies, when it came to the woman he loved, all of his reactions were a mass of confusion. "Well, you know she is not fond of you spending a great deal of money on her..."

"Yes, I'm well aware," he rolled his eyes, sounding quite frustrated.

"At any rate," I continued, tapping my lips in thought.

What could my son do for Bella that would be acceptable within her monetary limitations and yet still meaningful? A CD was no good, since Edward had already done that for her birthday. He also played for her whenever she might wish him to, so that was out as well. No trips, as they cost a lot of money and might anger Charlie… Bella would never accept any more gifts like books or music, as that was money she did not want spent. I tried to think of any human routine that Edward might make easier for the love of his life, but came up short. Everything cost money. Food processors, laundry aides, a dishwasher… they all cost something.

Wait… Bella had to eat, didn't she now? If she let the rest of us cook, I had little doubt she would let Edward do so, too. That was it!

"Why not make breakfast for her?"

Edward might have swallowed the blood of a fish for all the enthusiasm he showed. "I can't cook... at all."

Well, I had not counted on that. "Have you never watched Es– your mother?" I started, stumbled uncomfortably over my wife's name, and tried to rephrase before Edward noticed, but my flinch was a bit too obvious. I just couldn't think of her without hurting. I wanted so badly to fix things between us, but I knew not how.

"No, I'm usually sitting with Bella whenever... Esme is cooking."

Edward may have felt cool and casual in using his mother's name, but it was all too easy to see what he was doing. Nevertheless, I winced in reaction before I could help myself.

"Unless you have a chef crash course somewhere in those bookshelves," Edward waved an agitated hand towards my bookshelves, plainly sarcastic, "then I believe this is out of the question."

Although I had a very good idea of how my son would cook Bella's breakfast, I knew it was likely not a wise decision on my part to reveal my experience so easily. So I schooled my face into blankness once more and tried not to feel nervous.

"I... _could_ show you how." Ah, but the nerves belied my calm exterior to the point of my fidgeting in a very human way.

"You... you cook? Since when? And why?"

Had I not been so nervous, I would have laughed at Edward's wide-eyed disbelief. No, I supposed I did not appear to be the cooking type. Bella had been my inspiration, however, and when I thought back to that time where she was not with us… It was unhappy to say the least. Adding Edward's absence had been a doubly powerful blow.

"Only because of Bella," I muttered beneath my breath, praying my son would be less than perceptive as to my discomforting memories.

"Right," he responded perfunctorily, and some part of me chuckled at his forceful head shake. "So... you can show me?"

"Certainly," I agreed with assurance. I certainly knew how to cook now, as I had done for Bella all that weekend. Surely Edward would perform admirably, too. "You should pick it up rather quickly, actually. Seeing as it's for Bella."

"I guess we should get started, then. But… uh… Carlisle?"

Edward looked stoic, but discomfort radiated from his stance and tone. What was so troublesome now? Pausing mid-rise, I prompted him, "Yes?"

"You may want to clean up first."

Blanching at the insinuation, I waited until he was downstairs to examine my appearance. Sure enough – to my disbelief – blood and dirt stains spattered my clothing. Running a hand through my hair in agitation at this revelation only revealed further dishevelment, in the form of twig pieces, leaf debris, and other bits of nature. Such… uninhibited mess was completely unlike me. Trying in vain to ignore the growing distraction I felt, I hurried to change into a less hassled outfit and combed my hair, then headed downstairs to teach Edward about the kitchen.

I found myself smiling, chuckling, and feeling marginally happier the longer I stayed in Edward's company. Of all my children, only Edward could manage to make me feel better when Esme and I were somehow at odds or far apart from each other for days at a time. While I loved the others, Edward was the only one who had been there with me when Esme was not. I had already experienced a time with just Edward and I. But I had never faced a time with my other children, without Esme at my side.

Shaking myself from those awful thoughts, I barely tuned into my surroundings to hear Edward murmur, "She'll wake soon."

Nodding once in adherence, I allowed Edward to throw away his less… comfortable… creations and moved to set out all of Edward's mastered endeavors and clear the trash.

After a while of working at a typical human speed – something I found soothing at times – I turned to face Edward, intending to give him once last piece of advice about timing the different parts of Bella's meal while he cooked. The words caught in my throat when I saw the expression of absolute terror on Edward's face. Whatever color was in my skin left it instantly.

"What is it?" I questioned him quickly, almost fearfully.

"It's nothing," Edward said, to my utter disbelief. A face like that could not be based in nothing. "Just... overreacting. I'm sure I am. Don't worry."

Now he was admitting a so-called weakness? Something was dreadfully wrong. I just wished he would tell me what it was. Surely I could help him to fix it?

"Carlisle, please, it's nothing to be troubled over," he continued firmly before I could speak. "I jumped to conclusions about our visitors last night. I'm sure you can understand why. Worrying about the person behind it repeating their actions, with only the two of us and Bella here..."

Heavens above, was that all? Not that I blamed him for being worried about Bella and our family being watched, but really... We had covered all of this the previous night.

"I do wish you could warn me _before_ you get such a look on your face." I attempted a chuckle, awkward though it felt.

"I'll try to remember that the next time I panic unnecessarily." Difficult thought it was to ignore the half-grimace on Edward's lips and the uncomfortable way he spoke, I knew he would tell me nothing more on the matter.

"I should go up to the hospital," I sighed uneasily. "To retrieve my paperwork."

"Yes, I suppose so," Edward agreed a bit reluctantly. Did he need me to stay?

I had to constrain myself before I said the thought aloud. Instead, I asked him, "You feel that is safe, then?"

Another reluctant moment and then he said, "Of course."

"Then I shall return in a short while."

Edward nodded again, retaining that infernal hesitance, and I knew my thoughts would be uneasy the entire time I was gone. Not that they were exactly wonderful in the first place, but at least I had been able to clamp down on them. This was too disconcerting to accept calmly, though. I just left, as I had intended, umbrella in hand for when I exited the car at the hospital.

Try though I may, the ride was as bad as I feared. The rain was too heavy to see the scenery in as much detail as would be required to distract me – not that it would, but that was not the point – and to my astonishment, I neglected to bring a jacket with me. The questions would be awkward and at least one person would be suspicious of my lacking such an integral piece of a human wardrobe.

Yet in spite of my worries over suspicion being raised… nothing in this world – not the rudest and most flirtatious of nurses as I entered the hospital, nor Stephen Bailey's secret sneering as he handed over my paperwork, nor even a kind thank you from a patient of mine as I left – could tear my mind away from the struggle of immense proportions which overshadowed my loved ones and I. Particularly the despair of my wife's estrangement from me. Every minute was another battle to restrict my brain to less painful topics. Leaving Edward so worried had not helped. The difficulties would have assuredly overwhelmed me at last as I entered my home for the third time that day, had I not received a phone call which startled me completely out of my strand of thought.

I recognized the same number that belonged to the Beaver Police Station. Charlie Swan had luckily called me just before I arrived at the hospital. The situation could have turned exceptionally awkward if I arrived without him having informed Stephen of Bella's current circumstance. Why he was calling now bewildered me.

"Doctor Cullen?" Charlie Swan's continued use of my title might have caused me to chuckle in a better mood.

Edward's lean form appeared quite suddenly on the staircase, again surprising me. If I had not realized Edward could hear me answer the call from upstairs, I probably would have thought he somehow routed my mental blocking in order to hear my thoughts. My son said nothing, but gestured up at the ceiling from ahead of me and murmured, "She's awake."

"Doctor Cullen?" Charlie repeated concernedly into the phone, bringing me back to the matter at hand.

Shaking myself mentally and following my son right up to the door of his room, I replied familiarly, "Hello, Charlie."

Sure enough, when we arrived in the room a split second later, Bella was sitting up. She looked so surprised at my arrival that I truly grinned for once since this whole mess began to depress me so. Bella had that effect on us all.

"I was going to call Bella, but she didn't answer the cell," Charlie explained, sounding as though he would be annoyed under other circumstances, but held back in accordance with his daughter's stress and worry. "Is she awake?"

"Yes, she's here," I answered.

"Can you let me speak at her for a minute?" he asked, as though I would even remotely consider refusing.

"Of course," I assured him firmly, trying to convey the obviousness of my answer.

Bella took the phone almost gingerly from me as she began to talk with her father and although a few moments of pleasant chatter filled my mind, and a grin crossed my face once, it could not deter the growing unhappiness inside me. Charlie's praise for me and Bella's proud smile, while vaguely pleasing, merely increased the feeling of unhappy inadequacy to such an extent I became incapable of looking towards my son at all by the time Bella ended her call. Surely Edward did not agree with such praises at this point in time. Occasionally glancing from the corner of my eye, I felt my certainty upon that idea grow exponentially. Never once did Edward acknowledge my glance.

The awkwardness of Edward's distance, combined with Esme's avoidance, was one large chasm I could not hope to cross on my own.

"Well," Bella finally spoke, looking as awkward as I felt, "no Charlie and no school. Must be my lucky day. Or maybe my lucky weekend, period."

Assuming she meant to cheer us up, I forced a quiet laugh that sounded nothing like me and then reached out to take the phone from her outstretched hand. "I'll be in my office."

Exactly as I'd said, I settled into my office… miserably. Paperwork seemed all I had the energy to do, and for some time I tried restlessly to force my mind upon that and nothing else. It was not to be, however. Esme's pinched face continued to crop up in my thoughts at every moment. It was challenging enough to deal with Edward's agitation and Rosalie's anger, but to add into the equation my wife's reticence was to double the hollow, aching feeling in my chest.

No longer could I sit aimlessly in my office grueling over pointless paperwork when my mind was so ill-occupied. It seemed all I was capable of doing lately was running away. Regardless what Edward thought of my behavior, I needed to leave and try my hardest to detract from the emptiness in me. I only hoped he would let me go without any explanations.

' _Edward_ ,' I thought specifically for him, ' _I will be back shortly_.'

As I had feared, my eldest son could not let me go easily, appearing before me instantly with a face that was as concerned as it was confused. "Where in the world do you need to go now? You just hunted this morning, Carlisle. And with the way you looked after that one, don't tell me it's beneficial in any way, because I won't believe it."

"I'm going in our territory only," I tried to hedge, not wanting to discuss my overwrought senses and faculties. "There won't be a problem with the Quileutes."

"I believe that much. That's not my problem. It's the _why_ that bothers me," he argued sternly, reminiscent of his human mother's forceful nature.

"Edward, if I must begin explaining my reasons behind a simple run…" I argued back, letting the thought trail off warningly. Trying to put off the argument would only make my eldest son fight harder, so I had to fight back instead.

"Now I know something's wrong," was Edward's blunt statement, a deep frown crossing his face. "You don't argue like this unless you want to escape."

"Then kindly let me do so," I snipped uncharacteristically and my son's face stiffened marginally in response.

"Maybe that would be best, then," he murmured carefully, stepping back to allow me a clear path out of the office. "Just please, as I said, be wary of the wolves."

"I will be, Edward," I sighed, regretting my previous snub, but unprepared to apologize without a thorough explanation, which was something I could not yet do. Wordlessly, I left my office and headed through the back door of the house once again. Avoiding the now obvious gray area of the treaty, I made my way around treetops in a haphazard fashion, in a vain attempt to throw my mind off track.

Running was, as I found out, probably the worst mistake I could have made. All it afforded me was a momentary respite until the strange leaps and turns became monotonous and useless to my true purpose – to avoid Esme's actions. But what could I have been thinking? She was my wife, my mate, my other half; her entire life was my utmost concern. Without it, my own would be pointless, a half life.

Sighing with utter desolation, I returned much more slowly to our home than I had left it. Though I took out the paperwork with a gloomy air, my arrival did not leave me isolated for very long. Edward and his beloved were talking in his room and while I could hear every word, it made me quite happy when Bella decided to tell me herself that they were leaving for a little while. On the other hand, Edward's behavior seemed a complete world apart from his earlier concern. I knew I had not done anything since then, so I could hardly imagine bothered him so. And from their words, it was plain Bella had not yet described the previous weekend to him in any detail.

Hearing Bella's footsteps come closer, I shook myself and focused. "Come in, Bella," I called calmly before her hand could reach the surface of the door.

"Hey. Sorry to interrupt," she greeted apologetically, only her head peeking in. "I just wanted to let you know we were going over to Charlie's house for a little while."

"You are not interrupting anything, my dear," I made sure to reassure her with a slight smile. "Thank you for telling me. Please put on something dry and warm when you get there. This weather is clearly rather nasty. I do not want you falling ill."

"I will." Her laughter was wonderful to hear after how worried she had been about Charlie. "And I'll throw on a blanket, too, if you want."

Bella's humor drew a deep chuckle out of me, something I thought was a bit beyond my talents at the present time. It had to be the fact that the poor girl had nothing to do with the situation Esme had put the two of us through. Waving her off, I returned to my paperwork and my hurt with a nigh-inaudible exhale.

Startled from my work only moments later, I could only feel alarm at the tone Edward had just taken with Bella. For some reason, my concentration did not allow me to comprehend precisely what was being said, but it could not be good. The roaring replies my son gave a minute later only served to confirm that much. Rushing to the top of the stairs, I finally perceived exactly what Edward was saying.

This was not a place for me to intervene really. But in my haste to leave and allow the young couple their debate, I inadvertently revealed my presence anyway. Then began the worst stream of rambling I had taken up since Edward first lived with me. Bella's presence increased my embarrassment tenfold.

"I did not mean to intrude," I began ridiculously, mouthing nothing before I swallowed with great difficulty and went onward senselessly. "Edward was rather… boisterous. I was worried and rushed down, but as I stepped onto the stairs, I actually _listened_ to what you were saying… It was a bit late to back out at that point, however. You… you heard the noise… I…"

What nonsense! Where on earth I had picked up such mindless drivel was beyond me entirely. Edward's baleful expression did not help matters any, that much I could freely admit, and with the addition of the warning growl emanating from the depths of his chest, I thoroughly understood myself to be out of his graces once more for another unfathomable reason.

"Edward," Bella cut in before either I or my son could speak, "Don't. You. _Dare_."

So I was not the only one who recognized my son's morbid mood. Thank heaven for that, at least. Unfortunately, the look which Edward next gave me was one I felt all too familiar with and one I had little wish to examine any further.

The glowering jealousy which burned in my son's eyes cut me to the core. Yet as to what made him jealous, I was again incapable of understanding. Everything began to feel quite useless after so much discord. To fight seemed without purpose, without meaning anymore. Every time I fought the oncoming chaos within my family, the more that came our way as result. Resignation crept into the very marrow of my bones; there was no point to arguing a battle that was already lost.

"Finish the damn oath," was Edward's angry command towards Bella, eyes perched upon my own with terrible displeasure therein. As intended, the acidic expression hurt greatly.

Sensing Bella's disgust and fury over this attitude did me no good; the support of that impeccably strong young woman could no longer refute the pain of losing my son over and over again in this emotional free-for-all.

"Fine…" Bella continued to recite the vow she required of her love, "do you swear on my soul that no matter what, you will hear out everything I have to say, discuss your feelings about it all with me, remain by my side until I feel you are no longer bad-tempered, and not attack Carlisle for telling me?"

"That one's new," said Edward venomously, eyes glittering. Every single ounce of my strength was necessary to hold back from flinching in response.

"Do you swear it? All of it?" Bella demanded worriedly.

How mockingly Edward replied, "On your soul." Still his eyes were frozen on me, and never did he cast his beloved a look. No more could I even look upon my son's dark gaze.

To my satisfaction, bland though it was, Bella took it all in stride and turned to me instead of arguing further. "Carlisle, I want to talk to you whenever I get back. Is that okay?"

Casting a slight glance of acknowledgement her way, I answered gently, "Yes, of course, Bella."

Nothing more left my lips as I escaped back to my office to… to _what_ , exactly? To sit in silent dejection and wonder when my family would forgive me for my failings? Perhaps to dwell on all I had done wrong? There was no other path to tread. Not for me, not in that moment. Alice was wrong earlier that morning. I _had_ lost that much with all of them.

A mess of noise infiltrated my ears suddenly, sounding rather like Bella walking quite fast and tripping one too many times. Where was Edward to stop her from falling, I wondered?

But Edward spoke with much sarcasm moments later, "I thought this was important."

"Not so important that you drag me around like a puppet!" Bella exclaimed, and then clearly tried to pull away from something… or someone?

Please, Father in Heaven, don't let it be Edward forcing her along with him. That would be more than I could tolerate from him; discord between us or no, it mattered not. Hadn't Esme and Rosalie been enough of an example of why such behavior was unacceptable? Releasing myself from the restraint of staying upstairs, I rushed down to the main level just as Bella snapped.

"Knock it off!"

To see Edward – gentlemanly and courteous and protective Edward, who had begun his rebellious years so as to defend women like his mother and sister from the abuse of monstrous and forceful men – dragging his darling Bella out of our house in so harsh a manner was horrifying. Furious beyond even my own guilty conscience over recent events, I did not even _imagine_ stopping my self from reprimanding my son.

Allowing every ounce of reproach into my words, I called out, "Edward!"

When he ignored me entirely, I had no choice but to disassemble his arrogance in my thoughts, allowing my emotions loose and finally freeing up some of my mind for him to listen to. The shock of hearing my internal voice after so many weeks and months halted Edward too quickly for Bella to catch up to and she tumbled off of his much stronger body as easily as water off a stone. Still distracted by my inward lecture, Edward paid no attention to his young love, leaving it to me to catch her before she fell. The hold was awkward with Edward still gripping the girl's arm, so instead of simply righting her I was forced to hold on until the position changed for Bella's ease.

To my utter disbelief, not only did Edward not show any shame for his actions, he had the audacity to offer me a deeply incensed expression because of my intervention with Bella. No doubt he would have contended my interference somehow, but I was up to my limit. I could think of no way to show my son his error, except to remind him of the aggressive handling which had so injured his mother and sister in their human lives. His figure turned rigid within less than a millisecond. In an even shorter time than that, Edward released Bella's arm with the same instinctive reaction as one pricked by a needle, and ran straight to the Volvo as though the devil were on his heels.

"Damaging the car won't fix anything," Bella remarked distantly as Edward slammed the door of the car, damaging it rather severely in his haste to escape. For all my anger over his behavior, I knew there would be hell to pay in his conscience once he thought through it all. My son was nothing if not easy to impression with guilt.

Turning my concern to Bella, I set her safely on her feet as I inquired concernedly, "Are you all right? You're arm?"

The poor girl's mouth moved, but emitted nothing at first. She thought for a moment more, then answered, "I'm fine. Just… just…"

Still Bella's thoughts remained elusive, evading her tongue entirely. Words, however, were completely unnecessary once I smelled the salty moisture forming in her eyes.

"Bella," I exhaled quietly, guiding her to the nearest sofa cautiously. "Sit down for a moment. Let me… I… Shall I try to call him back?"

Little else was possible for me to do, save _attempt_ it. For Bella, though, I would do that much. A shake of her head was all the reply I received as I guided the young woman to sit. Brown eyes rooted to the floor was the most I saw from Bella until some thought sent her facial features into a mixture of mild dread and deep concentration.

"He was on the phone with someone," she uttered after a time, bewildering me.

"What?"

"When I was dozing," she went on, sounding all too empty for my liking. "I thought I was dreaming, but… He must have talked to someone and… And what? What could have made him _act_ like that, Carlisle?"

Pityingly, I caught her gaze at last, saying little of consequence. "I do not know. I wish I did. Truly, I do."

Useless words in a helpless situation. That was all I had to ability to conjure up as consolation. To make it worse, all I could do afterward was sit with Bella in equal misery, waiting for something, _anything_ to happen. I certainly hoped my other children were not at odds within their marriages as well. Four dysfunctional couples under the same roof was a terrible place to be while trying to heal.

Minutes later (or maybe even days, for all I knew), Bella and I sat side by side in our own worlds of pain and confusion, when I noticed the sound of tires on the road towards our home. My head snapped up in wild and irrational hope of Edward or Esme returning. Bella, too, turned to stone in anticipation. Perhaps…

But no. We were not that lucky. Not by a long shot.

"The jeep," I let Bella know, sighing deeply in disappointment. "It must be Alice."

"Maybe she knows something that can help," was Bella's weak try for optimism. Merely nodding doubtfully with a very unhelpful smile and a pat to her thin shoulder, I waited for Alice to enter the house with one of her usual knowing remarks on Edward's stupidity.

Sure as the sunrise, Alice shut the door behind herself and commented in a tone made of pure ice, "Well, the idiot has truly done it this time."

To my tiny daughter's appearance on the opposite sofa, Bella's reaction was to turn and face her knees. Recognizing that this must be related to Alice's strange behaviors the past day-and-a-half, I decided to keep neutral until the issue was outed. My interventions otherwise had only produced ill-will so far; I saw no purpose in cutting in again, perhaps to the detriment of another relationship.

Alice sighed exasperatedly and grumbled almost inaudibly at vampire speed, "Of _course_ he was right about telling her. Now I know why Emmett calls him a know-it-all."

A vague semblance of chuckling escaped me for this reminder of simpler times in our lives together. Without further adieu, Alice popped onto the very issue that was troubling her friend "Bella, I have a confession to make."

When the girl in question did not reply, I guessed she required some moral support after feeling rejected by her near-sister since the previous afternoon. Squeezing Bella's hand in reassurance, I prompted my daughter, "Go on, Alice."

"Everything that happened on Wednesday with Rosalie…" Alice started very tentatively, unlike herself, but abruptly exploded with the truth of the matter. "Oh, forget tact! I _planned_ it, Bella. I thought it would give you both some time to build up a better relationship with Rosalie, but then it didn't work out how I thought it would. I'm still not sure why it didn't, but I may never know."

Yes, that all sounded quite like Alice to do something to ease her sisters together. The ignored phone call was another story, however; one which she thankfully went on to explain.

"And you honestly picked the worst time call later that night," she said in frustration, more with herself than Bella. "When Jazz called, I was still outside the forest, but I didn't answer your phone calls because I was dealing with that damn wildfire at the time and… and… oh…"

_Excuse_ me?

Had I not heard her so clearly, I would have thought myself rather out of touch.

A fire. Alice was dealing with a fire. A vampire, whose only method of death was through fire – and whose mate would lose his mind upon her loss – and still she was handling a fire. A _wildfire_. On her own. No… not on her own. She worked with Rosalie.

And _Esme_.

Good Lord. My Esme putting out wildfires. My wife and daughters in the middle of the biggest vampire death trap imaginable!

Suddenly, more suddenly than the speed at which my body was capable of moving, everything since the night before made perfect sense.

As I regained awareness of my surroundings, I realized my eyes had widened and my jaw had fallen open quite magnificently. Alice gaped across the space between us, mouthing wordlessly against her slip of the tongue, while Bella risked glances at either sofa, waiting for some kind of breakthrough.

Once the shock was gone enough for my mouth to work sufficiently, I began to splutter, vocal chords caught in the grip of a metaphorical stranglehold. "Are you telling me…"

I shook my head back and forth in denial of such idiocy for a number of minutes, until the knowledge forced my brain into complete recognition and acceptance of the facts. Groaning almost obnoxiously over the situation, words came back to me in a rush of frustration. "Esme, Rose, and you… You silly… You foolish, irresponsible… Urgh!"

Furiously distracted by all the objections I could think of, in regards to my wife and daughters' behavior, I smacked a hand to my forehead out of pure vexation. Never had words failed me so spectacularly. Not even when I found Esme again, nor even the day of our wedding, had I been so powerless in speech as I was in that moment on the sofa staring down my daughter, whose features took on all the nuances of a toddler who had been put in time-out.

The staring contest ended with exceeding abruptness when Bella began to laugh – a particularly disturbing laugh, easily distinguishable as questionably genuine. Only after she folded forward over her our joined hands did anyone speak through the shock.

"Um… Bella?" Alice questioned her friend frightfully, echoing my sentiments exactly. "Are you okay?"

Bella squeezed me hand several times with all of her frail human strength, plainly attempting to control herself. The only thing it accomplished was escalating her laughter into tears. Well, that and our understanding of the emotions she was feeling. Sighing at the same time as Alice, I whisked Bella into my arms and held her comfortingly under my chin.

"Sweetheart, _please_ calm down." I tried to bring the poor girl out of her personal abyss, rubbing her back and rocking us as well as I could, but it did not work nearly like I hoped it would.

Meanwhile, Alice moved slightly out of range of Bella's human ears and ripped out her cell phone viciously. Through virtue of the sounds each button made, I determined she was dialing a very familiar number.

" _What_ , Al—?" came Edward's distant voice over the line, sharp and impatient.

"Do you even know what you've done?" Alice cut him off entirely with a cold, harsh voice .

"The only thing I've done is realize something I should have immediately after this past weekend. After what Rosalie said—"

What did Rosalie say and what did it have to do with what occurred not long before?

"—I _heard_ what Rosalie said, and I don't _care_ ," was Alice's incensed retort. "How ridiculous can you be, to believe her after what happened just a few weeks ago? After what you know of her character and her personality? The only thing she's ever thought through completely was her revenge against Royce King!"

I winced at the memory of that grisly time, when I sat waiting with Esme in disappointment and worry for our newest family member to perform what she considered justice and risk exposure for us all.

"Yes, because you thought so thoroughly through your plans about Rosalie and Bella!"

That was uncalled for; Edward was being fulsome in the extreme.

"How dare you—!" Alice exhaled in surprise and anger.

"Now I know precisely what you've been doing since we came back, and especially this week," Edward spoke over his sister, words hard and cynical. "You've been trying to change my mind about Bella's transformation. You're using my relationship with Carlisle and my guilt to do it!"

"Oh, I see, you suddenly understand everything perfectly," Alice sarcastically replied. "I must have wanted everyone to turn against Carlisle so you would feel the need to ease up on him and forgive your difference of opinion over Bella's future. I must have hoped and prayed that Bella would break down over all of our problems and make you even guiltier than before. Yes, Edward, that's exactly it."

Indignantly, Edward tried to intercede, "Now listen to me—"

"No, _you_ listen!" My daughter snapped back, at a breaking point Edward should know well. "I am so sick of you acting like an infant over the tiniest and most unreasonable things! You're worse than Rosalie!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" was her brother's angry comment.

"The melodrama you bring to every situation is insane! Bella is overwhelmingly confused and hurt right now, thanks to you!"

Nothing could refute that, as Bella was still crying in my arms. My rocking had become nothing more than a repetitive motion with no meaning while I split my attention between the unaware young woman and the conversation between two of my children.

"Why doesn't Carlisle just tell her another story and fix everything? She only seems to care about what _he_ has to say!"

My jaw dropped open for the second time that day, my rocking stopped entirely, and Alice and I locked stunned gazes for the barest of moments. I didn't even have the energy to flinch.

"Bella is in hysterics right now," Alice growled heatedly when she returned to the phone call, "and all you can do is insult Carlisle!"

"Well, he's the only one she trusts anymore, isn't he!" Edward remarked extremely loudly, this time forcing a wince out of me. From the expression on Alice's face, I could tell Edward had crossed a definite warning line with her patience.

" _It's YOUR FAULT, you stupid fool!_ " she half-roared into the receiver, startling me and somehow making Bella cry harder than ever before. The crumbling of Alice's cell phone was a mere afterthought to the entire situation, really.

"Carlisle, let me use your phone," came Alice's growling voice over Bella's crying. It was just shy of a command, but I knew better than to think she meant it that way. Frustration was the catalyst of my daughter's tone.

"My office," I replied gently, again rocking Bella and rubbing her heaving back as soothingly as possible. Seeing the uselessness of the gestures, I asked Alice, "Bring my bag down, please."

Nodding understandingly and allowing her anger to begin seeping away, Alice rushed upstairs and then back down, opening my bag to dig through its contents. "Purple label?"

Of course she would have seen which drug I had used to sedate Bella after that terrible ordeal with the painting. I had truly feared for Bella when it happened; her heart was racing to the point of a mild heart attack at the rate she had been hyperventilating.

"No," I sighed, admitting honestly, "I prefer not to risk addiction. I only used that on Sunday because I feared she would enter cardiac arrest. The blue label will do, it is very mild."

Taking the pills from my daughter, I looked down to find Bella with her eyes tightly shut. She must have been expecting another injection. Feeling only slightly amused by her conclusion, I asked, "Bella, can you take this pill?"

Feeling sorry that she so often faced medical situations around our family, I kissed the top of her head with apology.

"Only the one, Bella," was Alice's smooth reassurance as she took Bella's hand in her own. "Jasper will be able to help you soon enough."

Face still disparagingly wet with tears and body still heaving with mild gasping sobs, Bella lifted her head and allowed me to help her take the small pill in my free hand. It went down much too hard, but at least it would help her to find ease somewhat. I did not want another hysterical incident to force my use of a sedative. "How far is he?" I asked Alice to fill the silence.

"Fifteen miles. After I saw Edward leave, I knew Jasper would probably be needed. I called him on my way here. Peter and Charlotte were a little annoyed with him anyway." In spite of her delicately unconcerned shrug, Alice's frown spoke volumes of her disapproval of their attitude. "There was a bit of trouble with the hotel manager where Jasper was staying. They explained their eyes as costume contacts, but he wasn't too sure, so they were going to… well, you know…"

Wincing at the implied suggestion of killing the hotel manager, I nodded my understanding. Quickly, Alice moved to reassure my displeasure, "Jasper smoothed it over instead, but they didn't much like his inaction."

"They are not use to choosing human life over vampire in those situations," I mentioned uncomfortably yet understandingly. Not all vampires entered this existence with the strong aversion to traditional diet as I had brought to my own life. "It must be hard for Jasper to keep tensions low when he is with them."

"They can _keep_ their tensions," she countered, gritting her teeth tightly with clouded eyes. Whatever vision overtook her, Peter and Charlotte had just lost a bit more respect in her view. "Just because Jasper has a moral code now."

Trying to divert my small daughter's mind from her unhappiness, I brought up something mediocre in interest and kept up trivial conversation until Jasper's ability slowly permeated our emotions with the antithesis to Bella's upset. The sobs had thankfully stopped after the pill took effect, but with Jasper everything halted almost entirely.

Alice sighed gratefully, "Thanks, Jazz. We all needed that, I think."

The instant effect of my son's gift took hold of me when he touched mine and Bella's joined hands. I was only too relieved to see Bella's tears cease completely and hear her calmly say, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Jasper nodded down at the young woman, a small and unhappy smile overcoming his features before he turned to his wife. "What now?"

"We wait," the two of us chimed in synchronization, sharing a look of amusement, small though it was.

"For what?" Bella inquired, sounding exhausted.

"Whoever comes home first," was Alice's grim response, turning my stomach unpleasantly. Noticing her unfocused eyes did nothing to ease the discomfort I felt. Clearly Bella agreed, if her groan and turn of head were any indication.

"I hate this." Her muted words struck true with my own feelings exactly.

"So do we, Bella," Alice agreed, sighing again. "So do we."

To watch the tiredness play out on my daughter's features, I knew the oncoming encounters would be most unpleasant. Thinking of Bella's emotional upset encouraged me to suggest something I guessed she would not enjoy. "Knowing your distress, I hate to bring this up…"

Her probable dislike of the idea stopped me from completing the sentence, but Bella insisted, "Go on."

"Whatever occurs later today will not be an enjoyable experience for anyone," I took up the suggestion with resignation, pulling irritated fingers through my hair, "but if you're exhausted after the argument with Edward today, I think you will feel even less inclined to it than that."

"In other words," Bella summarized with a heavy sigh, looking up into my face finally, "you want me to sleep again?"

"Very much so," I admitted with some concern, yet apology as well. "I find it hard to believe you have not worn yourself down considerably after your outburst."

"I don't know if I can," she spoke so softly I barely heard her. Sympathy filled me for her troubled situation. Our poor Bella.

"I could help," Jasper added seriously, though his eyes sparked with mischief not a second later. "If you don't yell at me like the last time I tried, that is."

Yell at him like the last time…? I wasn't certain I even wanted to know what he was talking about. Bella appeared confused at first, but recognition crept in. "Oh. Sorry. I was… well, I guess you know as well as I do."

"Yes, I suppose I do know." Hearing Jasper chuckle with genuine humor was very pleasant for a change.

"I don't mind this time," confessed Bella. She owned up to her weariness, at least.

Saddened though I was by her resignation, things would be easier if she were asleep throughout the worst of the confrontations we had yet to face in our divided family.

* * *

 


End file.
